


Blood Colors

by Minionmomo



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: BadTrigedasleng, Betrayal, Combat, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Mild Language, Politics, Protective!Roan, Sarcastic!Reader(I hope), Scarification, Skaikru!Reader, Slow Burn, Swearing, Violence, so slow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-27 05:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10802781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Minionmomo/pseuds/Minionmomo
Summary: Jus Gona.(Blood Warrior)Roan had sworn an oath in front of the Commander and Wanheda that he would protect you. It would, of course, be made easier by the fact that you weren't completely helpless. But even as King of the Ice Nation, Roan finds the task just falling short of his hands -and seemingly yours-, he could almost hear Clarke lecturing him. But the thing that bothered him the most was how readily you forgave him for it.(Inspired by a bunch of great Roan x Clarke and Roan x Reader Stories on AO3)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me if you find any trigger warnings not mentioned or spelling errors and I prefer criticizing comments more than anything else so please share your wholehearted opinion if you don't like the direction the story is heading. Enjoy.

Somehow deep inside you knew you'd find yourself here in this position and when you acknowledged the fact things just got worse from there. How could you have been so stupid? Why did you trust so easily when you knew what people were capable of? And what made you think that the next person would be any better?

 The icy landscape around you gave way to lots of these thoughts, out here the only sound was the wind blowing. You and Roan hadn't really talked much on the journey here, mostly because he wind swept away any sound.  Your journey to the capital of Azgeda from the would take 4 days from the Azgedan border, and you were now only on the second day  .  Roan led the two of you over to the rocky mountains nearby and found the cave entrance, you assumed he was searching for, you would ret here tonight, not far from the nearby forest.

  

 You both set to work on the cave entrance, packing a snow wall with a small opening to shield you from the icy winds. You and Roan and a few of his other guards had journeyed from Polis where the journey had first started.  Those 3 days consisted entirely of horseback riding that had left you sore in places you didn't know where possible, in fact, you were still feeling the effects that the leathery spine left in your pelvic region. You hadn't checked but you had felt the bruises that had formed.  The guards however which included Echo, or as you called her the Ice Bitch™, had broken off from the group to scout ahead because they couldn't afford to run into the Splita, not with the King in their midst.  The Ice Bitch™ had been reluctant to leave the two of you behind because she didn't trust you but you assured her that you wouldn't be able to kill Roan, he was too strong, you'd only be able to seriously maim before you yourself would succumb to your injuries. She hadn't been happy with your smart quip but she had left reluctantly on Roan's orders to lead the guards.  Needless to say, Echo didn't like you and you would've liked Echo if it wasn't for the fact that she had tried to hurt Clarke on multiple occasions.

 

 Azgeda was a strange place, the borders were cold sure but as you went in further you ran into more and more snow. You were already getting sick of it.

 Finally, within the enclosed space you heard Roan's voice which you almost mistook for a figment of your imagination. "You can start the fire so long, I'll go find us some dinner."  You nodded and went out to gather sticks from the nearby forest using the small axe that Roan had kindly brought on the journey to gather enough for the night. Then crawling back into your makeshift hideout you got out your flint and a knife and worked at the fire.  You vaguely remember the survival classes on the Ark but you never thought you'd actually have any use of it in real life.  You laughed to yourself, hearing it ring through the cage and stopping immediately at the sound.

 Luckily by the time Roan got back, you had managed to get the fire going which meant he couldn't embarrass you by swiping his knife once over the flint and having a flame spark to life. You guessed it was with his banishment that he had learnt to do it all.  The dear he had shot thudded heavily against the ground, he had already taken the time to clean out most of the organs and leave them buried in the snow as to not attack wolves or bears or generally anything with teeth.  Pulling off your gloves, you flinched when you had to pick up the ice cold knife again, settling awkwardly next to roan to help him cut the skin away. The number of layers you had to put on had minimalised any and all movements that your joints could perform. You were sure you looked like a waddling penguin when you walked.  Roan,  however, wasn't wearing as many layers as you were, he was apparently accustomed to the weather, only using a heavy jacket and a long sleeved shirt.

"How are you holding up?" You were too tired to take offence to his question and maybe that should have been your answer too.  It wasn't a joke you had realized, but after waging through thick snow for at least one day you were dead and you wished you were knowing that nothing would calm the ache in your muscles but time and rest, neither of which you would have. Sure there were those special boots you wore that spread your weight more evenly so you don't try and struggle through the knee-deep snow but it was still much more of an effort.

"Easy peasy lemon squeezy." You said.  

"Lemon sq-what?" You seemed to catch him off guard a little as for the first time you noticed his dumbfounded look. 

"It means it's okay." The scepticism is clear on Roan's face but you aren't about to tell him that you only said that so you could say the phrase. Besides what did it matter, you just wanted to reach the capital before you died out here in the cold.  When you two had finally cut up the best parts of dear and built a small roasting fire, you settled back next to the fire warming your cold hands in the heat. 

"Tomorrow we will face our most treacherous pas, it's about an hour climb up to the top."

"Climbing?" You deadpanned. "Ice or rock?"

"Mostly  ice."

"Great." You mumbled.

"At least we won't need to set lines, with our scouting party ahead, it'll be ready."

"And I'm guessing there is no other way or...?" You trailed off hopefully.

"Oh there is but the other way will put an extra four days to our journey or we could walk through the pass but we'd most likely get raped and killed after twenty minutes  ." 

"We?"

"Splita don't always discriminate. Besides we didn't bring the ice picks for nothing." You looked over at where you had laid your weapons, which you thought the only use for those would be on your journey.

"Right." 

"Before we reach Redak, the capital city, you need to know that Azgeda aren't like the other grounders, they will uses and reason to challenger you, they will try and kill you." 

"You mean like the challenge between you and Lexa?" 

"Yes, but in Redak, it's not as rare as it is in Polis. An uneventful day is one without someone dying in a fight."

"What if I refuse?" You questioned with a shrug.

"You will only look weak. I can only protect you so far, if you are faced with a formal challenge then I cannot help you. Except I can teach you." Roan said his icy blue eyes settling on the food to make sure it's not yet burning.  You stayed silent as he continued, "You are good with hand to hand combat, but you're still unfamiliar with a sword and a spear and an axe-" 

"We could go on all day about the weapons I am not an expert in." You interrupted.

"We'll need to train every day, we'll start with hand to hand when we reach the city," Roan said you could see it, he was treating you like he would Clarke. You guess that meant he didn't consider you totally a lost cause.

"You  just  said I was good." You pointed out.

"That's the problem." He handed you your  portion  of the meal and you  promptly  dug in, almost  unbearably  hungry by this point  Once you had finished, your stomach full, you rinsed your hands with the water from your water skin and shed your jacket, laying it out on the ground and lying down on it.

"We leave before sunrise tomorrow," Roan said as a sort of good night, sleep tight don't let the bedbugs bite before he himself settled down on the ground and turned his back to the fire and you.

 

You woke to your name being yelled loudly and you sat up with a jerk head swinging in the direction of the voice. At first, you didn't hear the growling and then it became apparent. A deep rumbling sound filled the cave and you were on your feet immediately then darted for your sword, the weight still odd in your hands. You managed to catch the stick Roan through at you and pushed it into the fire letting the head which was clothed catch fire. The kerosene smell filled the room as the growls increased. Roan was watching the entrance with an intensity that had you quickly focusing on the same place. It's fine you just had to be bigger than them, they hated fire. There was sniffing at the man-sized whole and then another growl that reverberated through your chest, it was so close. The snout almost looked bigger than the wolves you had spotted before but you didn't get a chance to access it as the snout disappeared. It went silent, you held your breath for a moment listening but could only hear the wind. It was almost past twenty seconds when you finally breathed a sigh of relief but Roan didn't. You were about to say something, readying your voice to whisper and then-

 The wolf, the first one of a whole pack, rushed through the entrance tumbling through the snow that had slightly melted to form an icy hard wall like it was nothing.Which it probably was for it. You stumbled back as you noticed the sheer size, tripping over your own jacket on the floor. the wolf's head just about being at level with Roan's chest,  maybe even your neck.

"Get up!" Roan yelled at you but you were frozen, did he not see the huge fucking wolf. The deep-throated growl almost had you pissing yourself as the wolf lunged. _Fuck_.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Previously:**  
>  "Get up!" Roan yelled at you but you were frozen, did he not see the huge fucking wolf. The deep-throated growl almost had you pissing yourself as the wolf lunged. Fuck.
> 
>    
>  **Now:**  
>  "I can hear your teeth chatter." He complained as you settled.  
> "What the hell am I supposed to do about that?" You shot back.  
> "Come here." you heard him say, you paused, he wasn't really thinking you would move closer to share body heat. You glanced over your shoulder, to make sure he wasn't bluffing and saw the man zip down the front of his jacket.
> 
>  
> 
> (I tried to make this chapter entertaining, it's a little goofy)

You scrambled to roll underneath the wolf's huge paws to stick your extinguished torch into the fire, the wolf turned realising your deceit and as if possible it looked more vicious. The cave distorted and amplified the wolf's growl, making it sound worse than it really was which had already been terrifying. The torch barely caught flame and you hoped it would last as you swung it forward briefly debating that this might be where you said goodbye to one of your limbs. The world recoiled at the flame flashing in his face and as you recognised this you swiped your sword in his direction.

You could hear behind you Roan swinging his own flame fending off a possible another wolf that had lunged inside. The wolf whimpered but recovered quickly and you had to dive out of the way as it attempted to swipe its paw and bring you to the ground. Despite your attempt at escaped the paw caught you knocking you just enough off balance that you crashed to the ground losing the torch and almost losing your sword's grip but luckily your dominant hand held fast. Turning onto you back the wolf lunged, you blocked its attack by flipping your sword horizontally, it's big teeth came down onto the metal, chewing on the cold steel. You glanced back at the torch in a desperate attempt but it was too far out of reach.

Your arms were failing you as you tried to keep those sharp canines away from your head and in one swift decision, you swiped your sword vertically. The wolf impaled himself on your sword and snapped a few times but fell forward and stilled. You would have celebrated your victory if it weren't for the fact that the wolf, most likely weighing in at about half a ton, was now on top of you and as you glanced back, tilting your head you saw two more, wolves beside the one Roan was facing. You tried to pull yourself out but it was too hard, the wolf was completely crushing you, rendering your legs immobile. You assessed your surroundings and found the pickaxe not far, you reach for it fingers brushing the hilt and then tried to heave your self forward, just as the wolves were almost upon you. it snapped at your outstretched hand nearly taking it into its mouth as your fingers wrapped around the hilt and you jerked your arm back, you threw your other arm over your body in the direction of the wolf cleaving into his head as you heard your back crack a little at the stretch.

The wolf moaned in time with Roan's, you swiped up with the ice pick and buried it in the wolf's unprotected throat. He couldn't moan as he stumbled, you still clinging to the pickaxe, pulled it out and blood sprayed on the ground in fell, half choking on its own blood. The other wolf growled deep, you threw the pick axe at Roan with little to no warning but having quick reflexes, he caught it and didn't waist a moment as he slung the axe forward burying it deep in the wolf's skull.

"Is that all?"  
"Not for long, the pack won't be far behind, we need to leave." It was still dark out but you'd rather take your chances in the unbearable cold then waiting to be something's dinner. Roan knelt behind you, wrapping his arms underneath yours as he pulled, you tried kicking to help, especially as your thighs slid out and then with a sudden heave the two of your fell backwards, finally free. You rolled off Roan and took a minute to catch your breath. "Are you injured?" You shook your head.  
"You?"  
"Still have limbs to spare." He answered as he stood and started packing up the things. You cleaned your weapons on the wolf's fur and picked up the rest of your belongings and shrugging on your jacket. Roan packed some of the leftover meat away and your two had to trudge over a pile of snow as you exited the cave. It was unusually quiet, the wind had died down some time ago and there was no fresh snow coming down.

"Let's not do that again." You said as you followed Roan.

 

The weather the rest of the morning was nice, the sun was baking down on you, making you feel unbearably hot in your clothes, but if you were to expose any part of your skin, you would probably end up with severe burns. The universe was almost being kind to you as if it was outstretching an apology for the things you had to endure earlier.

It wasn't long before you and Roan reached steep cliffs, a few ropes were slung down the side and Roan paused by the overhang, sitting on a rock. "We'll rest here, five minutes then be ready." You glanced up at the literal mountain you had to climb and sighed and turned kicking snow as you stomped off a little way. You thought you heard Roan chuckle as you mumbled in a deadpan tone, "Come to Azgeda, they said, it would be fun, they said."

Barely any time had passed before Roan had stood and grabbed his own set of ice picks. "Come here." You're sure you've never heard Roan ask anything, you muse as you walked closer anyway.  
Roan tugs out an extra rope and turns you around by your shoulders to tie the rope around your waist and then the other en around his waist.  
"This seems completely unsafe." You comment as you watch him work.  
"Well," He shrugs, "Technically if you slip you'd most likely still be alive."  
"And if you slip?"  
"I don't slip."  
"But if you do, I would splat right down next to you, together will paint the ground scarlet in this endless stretch of white." You answer, a little dramatic but you were all for the theatrics.  
"How poetic." He gave you a look that said 'you're a real pleasure to be around'. "Luckily for you, I don't slip but you will." Roan turns feeding the end of the rope through the loop at the end of both your pickaxes, then slips the leather bands around your wrist to make sure you don't lose them.  
"Fine, I bet you half of my rations for tonight that I won't slip. If you slip, then I get all of yours."  
"Deal." Roan smirked as he turned to the wall of ice behind them.

Expertly Roan inspected the wall and in no time at all, he was digging his picks into the ice and hauling himself up. For the most part, the wall of ice had rocks pocking out meaning, with strategically placed grips, you could have a foothold but you could see further up parts where there were no rocks at all. "You got this." You whispered softly but even with your low volume Roan heard and scoffed, which did nothing to ease your nerves.

You could almost still feel where the rope had cut into your waist and you were sure you had some more bruises to accompany the older ones. You sat staring at your half portion a little depressed as you glanced over at Roan who had been smug the whole day. It was cold up on the mountain and there wouldn't be any shelter up here, just like there wouldn't be any animals (especially wolves up here) as Roan had assured you. You took a small bite of your meal, determined to stretch the entire thing out. "You know, I think I should get more than half because you slipped how many times again." You glared at him. "Oh right, four times." You glared down at your food too, just for good measure, you could've really used that extra bit of meal to after the tiring day.

By the time you had finished your meal, you were shivering, the night had thoroughly settled and it would only get worse from this point you realised. Roan had kindly laid the ground with leaved branches to keep the moist ground from soaking through any clothes but it just made for an uncomfortable bed, that poked and prodded you whichever way you turned. "Lie still." Roan complained from beside you, his back turned on you as you assumed he was already asleep. He was even nice enough to give you the spot nearest the fire, but you wouldn't thank him because he took the food straight from out your mouth. "I can hear your teeth chatter." He complained as you settled.  
"What the hell am I supposed to do about that?" You shot back.  
"Come here." you heard him say, you paused, he wasn't really thinking you would move closer to share body heat. You glanced over your shoulder, to make sure he wasn't bluffing and saw the man zip down the front of his jacket.  
"No way, keep your clothes on." You answered, Roan, stopped mid zip and shrugged.  
"Suit yourself." He said and turned around again to face the other way.

Roan found you in the early hours of the morning sitting and poking at the fire, the sky starting to turn a light shade of blue. "You kick in your sleep." Roan said as he sat up.  
"I wasn't asleep." You answered easily. As the Azgedan stood and stomped the fire out, not caring that you were still trying to keep the thing alive.  
"Since you're already so cheery this morning, we could get a head start."  
You wouldn't tell him but you were glad to keep moving, you felt frozen to the bone, even though the wind had settled.

It didn't last long, however. By the afternoon you had reached the bottom of the other side of the mountain, the snow was thinner here, almost bearable but the snow and wind you were being battered with from all angles made you realise that it wouldn't be the case for too long. Roan made the two of you stop and shelter behind a snowy bank then proceeded to pull out the half portion of your food from last night. It seemed the guy wasn't totally heartless as he handed it to you. The two of you ate in silence on what would be the second last rations of the deer kill you had made nearly two days ago. It hadn't been much, the animal was lean and in this cold, you had stopped and chewed on some dried meat pieces to give yourself some energy. AS you two were ready to head out again Roan pulled, half-plucked you close. "We're almost there, less than an hour, Echo will be waiting with horses." At that, you sighed contently despite you're still tender thighs, you nodded and you set off, both at a renewed pace.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The offer still stands." Roan says and you immediately know what he's talking about but you refuse to indulge him just because of the hint of amusement in his voice. A particular cold breeze filters into the room just as you decided you'd make up your mind but suddenly your not as sure as before. You rolled over away from the wall to look at Roan with a contemplating look.
> 
> "If you tell anyone-" You start, glaring at him from your spot.
> 
> "I won't." 
> 
> "And if you try anything I will cut off your fingers."

Just when you thought you had been saved the storm around you picked up, in a matter of minutes the visibility dwindled down into the low numbers and the two of your struggled on in the wind. The cold air ripped through your clothing no matter how many layers you were wearing and you could even see Roan was cold in this weather. You stumbled and fell as your foot sank deep into a patch of snow, looking up from your position you panicked. You don't know where Roan went. The back that you had been staring at had completely disappeared, you stood and dushed yourself off, furiously turning trying to squint through the heavy weather without getting pummeled by snow. You jumped when something grabbed your shoulder and spun you around. Roan was trying to yell something at you but even with his close proximity, it was impossible to hear. Realising this, Roan somehow tugged, nudged you along and the two of you walked off, as you squinted you could see not far some stone buildings that disappeared into white darkness again You had barely realised you were close until you stepped on something hard and solid, then you could see the entryway to a burnt down house. You both went inside without a door or windows to stop you. It was still cold but at least the wind wasn't as harshly ripping through you. "What about Echo?"

"She would have already gone back to the nearest village. We'll stay until the storm passes." You nodded and settled down on the ground against the wall, Roan doing the same. You were still tired from the lack of sleep last night and if anything this storm was a blessing. You settled down on the ground, even if it was cold and completely uncomfortable. You barely even notice as you slip off.

_Blonde waves, the first thing you notice, it has a slight gold shimmer in it but it still almost as pure as snow. You find Clarke in her room slightly dozing in her bed, her back turned to you. After knocking for five minutes, you entered in slight worry but sighed. With her boots still on and curled slightly in on herself, it looked like the day had taken its toll on the Commander of Death and she had accidentally fallen asleep after convincing herself she would only rest her eyes for a moment. Outside its still midday and Polis is bustling with life but somehow that sight makes you feel at peace despite knowing that when you left the room you'd have to go back to your responsibilities. You almost forget why you came here but then it dawns on you. You wanted to tell Clarke the good news, Kane had finally been able to make peace with Azgeda, after sitting down for the longest summit of your life it looked like the two clans would finally be mutuals if anything. Feeling the cold breeze drift through the room, you decide to return later, you know just how much sleep Clarke has missed over the last couple of days, you stride forward and grab the thin blanket from the end of the and throw it over Clarke. The flash of scarlet red catches your attention before you turn and you wait for the blanket to settle, some of Clarke's hair is stained a deep scarlet and as you reach for her shoulder, panic settling in you turn her only to find sky blue eyes staring up at you, cold and distant. "Clarke?" You ask, hands instantly diving to feel for a pulse but finding none. "I need help!" You yell over your shoulder, praying someone hears._

"Clarke!" You sit up with a start, chest heaving as the images from your nightmare fade and find yourself somewhere unfamiliar. It takes you a moment to realise where you are as you see Roan sitting on the other end of the room, blade drawn, your sudden start had woken him too. "Sorry." You mumbled trying to shake off the cold feeling reverberating through you. Roan relaxed, his knife disappearing into his boot again.

"Guess you're not the only one who constantly worries about what trouble she's gotten herself into now." You sit up as Roan says this and pull your knees close to try and gain some heat. Outside the storm is still raging.

"Like you wouldn't believe." The conversation dies on that note as you shiver. You lean against the wall, your new position better but not entirely helping you

It doesn't take long that your rest is again interrupted by the cold, just like last night you find yourself unable to go back to sleep despite still feeling tired. "The offer still stands." Roan says and you immediately know what he's talking about but you refuse to indulge him just because of the hint of amusement in his voice. A particular cold breeze filters into the room just as you decided you'd make up your mind but suddenly your not as sure as before. You rolled over away from the wall to look at Roan with a contemplating look.

"If you tell anyone-" You start, glaring at him from your spot.

"I won't." 

"And if you try anything I will cut off your fingers."

"That's treason but I will pretend it was a warning and not a threat." You knew he wouldn't really try anything, it just wasn't like Roan but it made you feel better when you said it. You stood clumsily and walked to the other end of the room where you promptly collapsed in front of Roan, he rolled a little bit leaning back against the wall as you settled next to him, first staring up at the ceiling in hesitation, then rolling into him to wrap your hands inside the jack he had kindly zipped open for you. You snuggled closer, feeling the rise and fall of his chest. You don't remember ever having done this with anyone which causes your cheeks to flush but luckily he can't see it. You weren't exactly known for cuddling. Soon too tired to care about the consequences you let go of your guard and slipped off, maybe if Roan did slit your throat in your sleep, at least you'de be warm and cosy.

 

 

A steeled toe boot, you decide as the pain wrings through your ribs for the fourth time. You roll over onto your back and glare up at the person who was currently kicking you. Echo kick you again for good measure despite catching the look you cast her. "I'm awake." You remind her.

"You sleep like a rock."

"Thanks for the breakfast in bed." You quip sarcastically as you sit up, warmth still engulfing you. Roan's jacket is splayed out over you, you realise just as you remember earlier but Roan himself is nowhere to be seen. It's still dark outside, but the storm has settled again and the only thing left to hear is a soft breeze whistling through the open windows in the house.

"We need to leave." Echo says, walking out the door. You reluctantly stand up and grab Roan's jacket, stretching in the process. 

The scenery outside the building you had slept in was a stark contrast to what you thought it had been last night. What would previously have been known as cityscape was now only scarce leftovers of the life here before the war. It seemed that the buildings here had more so survived than in Trikru marked territory meaning that this was most possibly outside any blast radius. The building you had sought refuge in was much smaller but also more intact than the buildings surrounding it. You wondered what it must have been like to not worry about primal survival needs and wondered what the stresses of such a life could entail but you couldn't imagine yourself being happy. Somehow as crazy as it sounded, you liked having to survive, although maybe not preferring the extremes that you might have to have to face now, you could only imagine life as dull when it didn't involve anything close to what you had to live through now. 

The majority of Azgeda was a wasteland, hit far too hard by a nuclear winter that showed no signs of relenting, Roan had explained that most of the villages were further into Azgeda territory, it was their defence. How could you expect an army unexperienced in these conditions to make it to your capital if between you and them was a vast stretch of almost uninhabited land that only you knew how to get through. The nearest village to Trikru borders was their guarding village, with its own Palace that had been built to host royalty when war was imminent in other territories.

 

The tension bubbles and boils through the streets of Redak as you ride in. Whether it's because of your presence or the king's you don't know. When Roan looks at them, his eyes sweeping the crowd they avert their gaze as if they had committed some act of treachery. The palace was huge and could be seen from far off, towering over the village. In the courtyard, you could inspect the building more closely, it was an old building that looked like it was falling apart at the best parts but was supported by the repairments the grounders have made. The palace guard and servants alike seemed frozen at the arrival of their king, which you doubted was new to them, not only had Echo and the rest of her travel companions arrived earlier but they were also most likely told at the return of their King as a way to stabilise Roan's rule. Letting his people know that he had not forgotten his home despite the fact that he had been dealing with affairs in the capital for a few weeks and before that being exiled for who knows how long. Then suddenly as if everything fell into place everyone sprung in to do their duties. Stable boys taking away the horses and guards bowing to accept their new Azhefa. 

Unsure of what to do next you followed Roan and Echo up the steps and into the Palace and to what you presumed to be the throne room as you entered. It was a vast hall that now housed a crowd who parted to let royalty pass, the room fell silent and everyone stared. Someone else was on the dais and as if to expect a reaction from the man you observed much of the crowd looking between Roan and a man of similar built. Echo followed behind her king up the steps to dais but deciding it was best you stayed at the front of the steps in line with the crowd. You also gained the attention of a few eyes and you doubted they were friendly gazes but persisted on, hand on the pommel of your sword at your hip to ease your nerves. It was almost as if the room held it's breath when The King and his second came to stop on the steps in front of the man she didn't know. It looked like this man had taken rule over this city at least while the Azplana had been away and even when Roan had not yet returned. It was clear the Roan didn't like the man, his shoulders were tense, a glare settling on his face and he radiated off a cold demeanour enough to scare off anyone.

Then a smile spread across the man's face and the whole room seemed to relax. "My Nephew the King." Roan doesn't exchange the courtesy the man shows as he grasps Roans forearm. The whole thing falls into place, this man was most likely Nia's brother or in the least Roan's father's brother, but the distrust that younger man shows is enough to make you want to steer completely clear of the older man. " _Em ste os kom ai op yu._ (It is good to see you)" His uncle bids him and Roan steps up beside his uncle who turns to the crowd before him without waiting for a reply. " _Roan Kom Azgeda don komba en em ste nou hainofa ba Haihefa_. (King Roan of the Ice Nation has returned as not a prince but as King)" He announced, you didn't realise the crowd was bowing until Echo also sunk down on one knee, not knowing what to do until Echo glared at you. Frowning you sank down as the rest did but told yourself that to you this meant nothing, Roan wasn't your King and although you were his guest, he couldn't truly hold you as his subject.

The court was dismissed after that but you lingered having nowhere else to go and not particularly in the mood to die if you wandered to somewhere you hadn't been supposed to be.

"Uncle, I must introduce you." Roan said in English leading him down the steps to where you stood. Did Roan really want to introduce you or was it just courtesy. "This is (y/n) kom Skaikru, a trusted warrior of her clan, she is only here to strengthen the ties between her people and ours." Roan explained and you had somehow forgotten why you were here as well. He paused then turned to you. "This is my Uncle, Thoff, an advisor on my mother's counsel." You didn't miss the fact that he used his uncle's former title. 

" _Meika's slak_. (Nice to meet you)" His uncle dismissed your statement with a simple 'yes' and turned to Roan to discuss other matters. You weren't particularly offended, in fact, the man's eyes had made you feel that maybe it was for the best if he didn't take particular interest in you. 

"Echo, take our guest to her room, I am sure she is weary from her journey." Roan said before his uncle could jump into anything serious. Echo nodded even though she looked like she wasn't very happy about the task.

 

You hadn't brought much when you came on the journey but then again you didn't own much. Most of your possessions were clothes -which you left in Polis since you wouldn't find much use for them here-, weapons and a book with ink and a pen, you couldn't leave it behind. In the scarcely decorated room you set down your things and you knew it would still look barren. Echo hovered by the open double doors as if wanting something so you turned to her expectantly after scoping the room. "You won't last a week." Echo promised but turned and walked away before you could bargain down the number of days. Clearly, she had only waited to fulfil some petty desire within herself, you couldn't blame her though, you probably been just as bitter if you had been used and never truly needed like she was. You make a quick mental note to inform her of that next time. You closed the doors to your room and sat on the bed to pull off your boots then discarding the sword on the bed. In the corner, you found the hearth with all the ingredients to start a fire so you did in an attempt to warm up the room even more. After five minutes you shrugged off your outermost layer and fell into the soft mattress. The canopy bed was just a hint of the luxury of the room. You closed your eyes for a moment.

 Polis hadn't been this luxurious, the rooms were simple though big, it had left you with a sense of coldness or maybe just less comfortable. You figured the rooms here were furnished to give a cosy feel, a contrast to the weather here. Clarke was most likely still in Polis, you could often find her in Lexa's room more than her own, a room you had gotten familiar with when you had to seek out the young girl. The images of the nightmare from the previous day drifted into thought and suddenly everything you had put aside in on the journey came rushing back. You frowned deeply as the nerves coiled tight in your chest. What the hell had Clarke been thinking to send you here?

You had been protecting her in Polis when she sent you to fix a non-existent relationship between Azgeda and Skaikru. Who was going to protect her now? Certainly not Bellamy, their relationship had still been strained by the elder Blake's ex-alliance with Pike. You were already an outcast in your own people's eyes how could she expect you to speak for them? It wasn't that you had a lack of knowledge in politics, your close relationship with Clarke had given you enough experience, it was just that you lacked the people skills for it or any sort of skill for it. You knew that there were certain ways to say things, to persuade people but you had always been the either you do what I want or suffer the consequences type. You were used to people doing what you wanted out of fear but now that you were among a clan that it wasn't easily instilled in people, you were at a loss. The only authority you would hold here is that you were Roan's guest and that you were the Jus Gona- both were thanks to Clarke. 

You tried to nurse the headache before it could completely take hold. Where were you supposed to begin? Most likely at winning the trust of the Azgedan people but that would be no small task and to what end? You didn't know what Clarke was trying to do here. You tried to run over the event where Clarke had told you her plan more than asked.

 

 

> It was late afternoon when the guards opened the doors to the throne room for you. When Clarke had said she wanted to speak with you in the throne room, you knew Lexa might be there so it would possibly have been mostly business than anything trivial but you were Suprised to find the King of Azgeda standing on the dais next two the two women. Whatever they had been discussing before came to a halt in your presence. 
> 
> You wouldn't call yourself the most adept at reading the intricacies of feelings but you would admit that you thought you were pretty skilled at determining the danger of a situation or the threat that a person posed. Suddenly you didn't feel so comfortable to be there. 
> 
> There wasn't any greeting issued from either side as you started: "Clarke you wanted to see me." You wished you could have kept the suspicion from your voice but Clarke didn't answer, instead of looking a little guilty Clarke turned to Lexa as she spoke.
> 
> "We have discussed a matter that needs urgent attendance to. In order to keep the peace of the coalition, it would be beneficial if Skaikru and Azgeda could establish some trust." Lexa explained.
> 
> "And what does this have to do with me?" 
> 
> "By having a representative to speak for Skaikru should tensions rise between the two clans, war might be avoided." Roan spoke this time but it still didn't answer the question.
> 
> "You want me to represent Skaikru?" Clarke finally faced you, still unable to ash the guilt of her features. Clark nodded. Silence followed as all eyes were on you somehow awaiting an answer but it wasn't that simple. 
> 
> "Do you understand?" Roan asked impatiently.
> 
> "No, I don't underst-"
> 
> "What we mean to say is-" Roan started cutting you off but you quickly returned the favour.
> 
> "I understand your request what I don't understand, however," You glared at Roan who was a little taken aback that suddenly you who were mostly silent was so vocal and suddenly so boisterous. "is the fact that somehow you have decided that I would be the solution to this particular problem." Your eyes settled on Clarke almost in disappointment.
> 
> "Of Skaikru you would the person most likely to survive Azgeda. I know you are not a politician but I trust that you will be successful, you have never failed me before." Clark explained.
> 
> "Clarke you and I both know my relationship with our people isn't as well merited as yours and what about the fact that am one person? How am I supposed to stop war on my own?"
> 
> Now that Clarke knew your concerns, she set to work at comforting you, you recognised the signs with the change of expression in her face. "You won't be, you know full well Roan is an ally of ours and it's time our people saw the person I know you to be."
> 
> "Conciliatory?" You deadpanned.
> 
> "Loyal." Clarke corrected.
> 
> "It would only be temporary, and Roan has sworn to protect you at all costs. If he should go back on his word, Azgeda will receive no small amount of punishment." 
> 
> "That won't be much of a comfort when I'm dead." You emphasised the word determined to make sure Clarke had this well thought out. "Clarke, you know I will do anything for you but if you won't listen to any reason I've given to you, consider this. You would be alone in Polis, Abby and Kane have their own problems to deal with in Arkadia, I am sure you know that it's not exactly the safest place for you, not after ALLIE." 
> 
> "I have Octavia."
> 
> "Who is pre-occupied with training and being Indra's second." You argued.
> 
> "I won't let anything happen to Clarke." Lexa promised, your eyes flickered briefly over the Commander who you had no doubt would do anything in her power.
> 
> You sighed, "Are you sure?" You asked Clarke, resigned to accept it as to not oppose her. She nodded with certainty but less willingness.

 

You hadn't spoken much to Clarke after that, the news that you would leave the following day had shooked you more than you cared to admit. The brief goodbye that you had bid your friend was curt and awkward. Clarke had given you the sword that Lexa had specifically made for you since you weren't allowed to take a gun and it wouldn't be that smart either.

The knock on the door had you sitting up immediately and without waiting for an answer a guard entered. "King Roan has invited you to dinner with his Uncle, servants will be sent to aid in your preparation." The man said stoically and didn't wait for you inevitable protest. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She doesn't bleed." Someone in the crowd whispers.  
> "Do you need help?" You ask the quite literal backstabber, almost sounding sincere, everyone freezes, the men and women around you whisper but no one dares move.  
> "You are a demon."

"The slight panic sets in when the guard leaves. You hadn't needed help bathing and getting dressed since you were fully potty trained. You tried looking around the room to see if you could find something to bar the door with but the chair would fit under the handle. The next thought flared up, maybe they can help pick out clothes, not that you had a wide selection, or give you what you needed if you only finished bathing before they arrived but of course there was no way to fill the tub from within your quatres. You were still frantically trying to think of an excuse when the door burst open only for young girls to file in with a small but not to friendly nod in your direction they walked over to the huge bath and started pouring the warm water to fill it. You were completely doomed now, the amount of stress the ordeal gave you was considerably more than your nerves to succeed at your task here Redak. The young women disappeared again and a few minutes later they were back, how were you supposed to stop any of it. You took a deep breath when they left again and thought over the words you would say, even going as far as to translate it in case the meaning was lost on them. " _Ai gaf nou sisen in_. (I don't need help)" You repeated quietly over and over until one of the women stayed behind. She must have been your age if not younger, a pretty face but clearly defiant eyes that maybe was only there because of you. The door closed and you stood suddenly startled.

" _Ai gaf sisen in._ (I need help)" You said determination in your voice but as the woman raised an eyebrow at you, you realised something you said was wrong. "Wait no! I don't-that's not what I- I can do it myself." Your words jumbled together. 

"Ai nou chich op gonasleng. (I don't speak English)." She turned away from you glaring at the table as she set the clothes in her arms down on it. " _Ban we yo bakkova_. (Take off your clothes)" You were so caught off guard by the affair that your usual casual flirtatious reply was lost to you. You took a deep breath.

" _Ai gaf nou sisen in._ " You repeated what you meant to say earlier.

" _Haihefa biyo yu gaf sis au_. (The King said you need help)" She turned to you with determination in her stare that dared you to challenge her.

Frustrated and not having the time think up a reply in the foreign tongue. "Look, I can bathe myself, I don't need your help." You said.

" _Ai nou get em in yu_. (I don't understand you)" She said with a roll of her eyes. " _Ban we yo bakkova_." 

"I am not taking off anything."

"I don't understand that." The servant replied clearly frustrated and angry but the words made you pause. "I am not leaving. Take of that." She turned away from you again to pick up the bottles from the side of the tub and throw it in. Her accent was thick and unmissable. "You will be late, not me." She added finally

You huffed and pulled off the layers of clothing until you were let in your underwear. 

" _Yu laik son wima op ona rein_. (You are wasting my time)" She declared as you hesitated.

" _Twis raun_. (Turn around)" You ordered determined to keep some modesty, she did as asked and you silently slipped off the last part and walked over to the tub despite the cold biting at every part of your exposed skin. Wearily watching the girl you slipped into the bath and drew your knees in close, the water now milky with whatever she had added to it. She turned around to face you and sat behind you at the edge of the tub, you watched her carefully still weary. 

"My _tagon_ (name) is Izabel." She said noting your uneasiness. "You are Jus Gona."

"I prefer (y/n)" You answered not really caring what she called but more to keep the conversation going as you faced forward. You could hear her scoop water, listening carefully for anything suspicious. You almost jumped when she poured the warm water over your hair wetting it.

Next, you felt a comb run through it, for now, the conversation was lost. Despite the circumstance, the bath was heavenly especially when you had gone the whole journey without one. Izabel didn't wait for you to wash yourself, apparently content with the fact that you had sat there the entire time stood and offered you a towel. You took it and she turned around apparently respecting your wishes. Once you had covered yourself appropriately she motioned for you to join you where she set out the clothes, it wasn't too complicated, simple thick hide pants with a jacket over, the clasps being the most detailed and intricate. She busied herself around the room while leaving you there, you took as the signal to get dressed and did so quickly. When you were dressed she pulled out a chair at the desk in the corner and you obliged when she waited for you.

Your hair had almost dried by then as she combed through it one last time and started putting in a few braids, you could feel her pulling the top half back into two braids and pinning it down and then braiding a lock of hair down past your shoulder. She ran her fingers once through the long hair till where it feel in your lower back.

"Odon." She announced and left without further instruction or word. 

Your fingers skimmed the braids, there was no mirror to examine them so you trusted your hands. to braids along the side of your head and the one you could see more than half of hanging down your shoulder, you were pretty sure you didn't look too ridiculous.

 

Echo came to fetch you, eyes briefly skimming over your appearance just as the warm inner fur lining was beginning to thaw almost four days worth of frozen muscles. Only as you followed her brisk pace through the halls did the stiffness of the strain start to settle in. The young warrior said nothing, not even something insulting to you for the whole walk to the dining room. The king and his uncle were waiting for you when you arrived, immediately going for the open space across from his uncle, next to Roan at the head of the table. Roan looked at you relaxed, the antithesis of what he had been in Polis, you guessed it was because of the stress he was under. Everyone exchanged looks but no one said a word even as Roan's chair scraped across the floor when he sat and the two of you followed. You had barely made yourself comfortable when food was set out in front of the three of you.

"How are you finding our capital, Jus Gona?" The use of your popularised nickname made you realise that Thoff, wasn't as uninterested in you as he had let on during your first meeting earlier. You decided to let the name slide. You were at a loss, do you give your honest opinion and answer that it was cold or just fine or do you sugar coat it. Your time was quickly running out as you thought what Clarke would say.

"Foreign." You decided, for a moment the two men looked a little stunned. "The weather and the furnishing all contribute to a regal air, I haven't experienced before." Your explanation seems to make Roan relax and a polite stare settle on his uncles face. You don't for a second believe the friendliness that the unfamiliar man showed you but you know by Roan's reaction that your answer was acceptable.

"Had you not come from Polis where you stayed with my nephew?" He questioned further.

"Yes but Polis doesn't match the sophistication." Maybe the praise was a little excessive but his uncle didn't seem to care match, you wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't listening at all. 

When Roan dug into his soup, silence settled over the room, stiff and tense as the two of you followed suit. Roan didn't seem to have anything to say as he concentrated on his meal.

"(y/n) I would like you to join in the council meeting starting tomorrow and that way you can get acquainted with the customs of Azgeda." Caught a little off guard by his request you nodded and continued with your meal.

It seemed the practice of knocking was practically foreign in Azgeda as a guard burst through the door. "Haihefa," he bowed low despite his apparent urgency, "Counsellor Larken has challenged one of the guards in one on one combat, he has threatened anyone who has tried come near him.

"Is he drunk again?" Roan's uncle asked before he can reply, the soldier nodded, uncertain if he should answer. Roan stood with a sigh, his seat scarping across the floor but Thoff was on his feet just as quick. "You sit, I will tend to the matter and take my main course in my chamber, tomorrow we have important things to discuss." Despite the apparent disrespectfulness, Roan doesn't stop his uncle as he leaves only hesitates and sits down as the doors close and the room grows quiet. Only Echo is in the room now.

"I'm not an expert in the minutia of a monarchical society but I'm pretty sure it's not a good thing if he tells you what to do and you let him." You say silently, more to try and provoke Roan and gain some information on his uncle, knowing he'd let the audacity of your statement slide.

"My uncle holds much more power than I originally thought when I returned, he has been turning the ears of the counsellors since my mother died and I am not the most popular in our family with the past Nia subjected me too." He explains.

"Do you trust him?" You question.

"Do you?" The question was simple enough, declaring that the nature of the man's intentions was obvious. That was all you wanted to hear.

"I need to make sure, my throne is mine and that the council is loyal to me. I will not be enlisting any of my uncle's suggestions no matter if he offers to save the planet. I cannot be remembered as the king who reigned only by the will of a puppeteer, it is exactly the reason my father ruled." Roan hadn't said much about his father since they time you've known him and new you could easily draw the conclusion to his statement. The two of you finished the first course in silence, it was much less tense now.

"Give us some privacy, Echo." Roan suddenly called, you didn't have to look at the women to know that it would have looked on her face like she had been struck. She left without protest, as always obeying her king to no end. 

"One of my guards said that the help I sent you was only greeted with your stubbornness." You supposed if there was any time to be embarrassed it should have been now but it seemed you lacked the politeness to blush or look away. "You can trust the people I assign to you, I will not let anyone so compromisingly near you that I know has ill intent." You guessed his statement was to help you instal some of your trust him but those stores already been used up.

"That wasn't the problem." You point out before taking another bite of your food. Roan paused in his actions and looked you over with a scrutinizing gaze that you knew saw everything.

"I doubt you have anything to be ashamed about so it must be that you feel weak when someone wants to help you." You were ready for his statement but pointing it out like that made it seem foolish, for the first time in an eternity you actually blushed ashamed of the none too good trait. If Roan noticed he didn't say anything. "I see now why you and Clarke, you are equally stubborn." Roan declared taking a bite of his food. "Try not to bit off the heads of my servants, they are under orders."

"Elodi,  _bak op hir_ (get back here)." You heard Echo's voice as the door swung open, it had you both turning towards the entrance as a little girl stumbled into the room barely four, maybe five. She paused when her eyes immediately fell on Roan, who outstretched his arms to her, you had to do a double take to make sure you weren't seeing things. Her little face contorted as she burst into tears and rushed forward into Roan's waiting arms.

"Wait... what?" You couldn't help but ask as Roan cradled the little girl close to his body. Echo stood in the door a grimace on her face and next to another woman burst through the door immediately falling to her knees in front of the king.

" _Moba, ai haihefa, ai don nou ai op em ron we._ (I am sorry, my King, I didn't see her run off)" 

" _En's Ogud_ , Galia,  _Ai na hosh duan em._ (It's alright, Galia, I will put her to bed) _"_ Roan said, his eyes and voice soft.You didn't know what to make of the situation. The women, Galia nodded and left and Echo swallowed as Roan stood seemingly a little scared of what he would say that she had let a five-year-old get past her defences.

"Wait for me in my room." Roan said curtly, not sounding disrespectful but dismissive of the situation. The little girl's arms space Roan shoulder's her head turned and resting on his shoulder as he left. Your mind kicked into motion, whoever she was Roan seemed to have much affection for her if he let her get this close to him. You wondered if Roan had been married, or maybe if he was married. Finishing your food a little stunned and completely distracted as you were left alone in the dining hall.

It was only as you stood that you realised that you had no idea where his room was. You exited about to enlist the help of Echo but you swear the little devil had disappeared in total spite. You wondered the halls until you found a guard and asked him to lead you to Roan's chambers. The hallways of the palace were now much darker, a little early in the old building as it cast shadows in corners, easy enough for anyone to hide in, but you weren't stupid. You were armed even if it wasn't directly visible. The guard led you to a room with the largest set of doors you had seen to be used on such a personal living space and even held the door for you to enter. 

Roan's room was almost like yours scarcely decorated, you could tell he didn't own much, much like you, the only thing you could make out to be his was a jacket slung over the back of the chair and armour, sitting on top of the chest at the foot of the bed. If this had been his mother's room before there were no signs of it. You were sure the late Queen would have some painted scenery or a tapestry depicting a gruesome scene maybe even deer heads lining the wall. You didn't know how long the whole affair what take with Roan so you settled on these at the edge of the bed, your muscles relaxing as soon as they didn't have to work so hard. Whatever Roan still wanted to discuss with you was important enough that it couldn't wait until morning but it was the least of your curiosity. You were surprised by the fact that there were no guards by the door but you supposed Azgeda thought a King who couldn't defend himself was weak.

Your eyes have almost started to slip shut when the doors creaked open and Roan strode in, you stood a little startled but still tired. "I am assigning a guard to you, to ensure your safety, he will show you sights of the city and castle tomorrow." He wasn't asking, but just to make sure you firmly knew he wasn't asking he turned to you and emphasised, "And before you say anything, I take the promise I made to the Commander and Clarke very seriously." There was no hesitation in his gaze and you didn't expect to find any. Clarke would have wanted you to be safe and careful, you remind yourself and then kept quiet. A little surprise at your absence of stubbornness a hollow silence followed. 

"The girl..." You trailed off, curiosity overtaking your thoughts again.

"My sister, Elodi, the youngest of my siblings. Drink?" You nodded, it was a good way to keep out the cold. The frown on your face when Roan turned back had him raising an eyebrow at your confusion.

"I thought you were an only child." You stated in explanation, he paced to where you stood.

"I'm the eldest son of Nia, not the only." You took the goblet from his hand and took a quick sip.

"Are there any more?"

"Yes, I have a brother, he is a scholar, much to my mother's disappointment. I have another sister we don't really talk and I suspect she left when she heard I was coming. I use to have another sister, she was killed by the Splita. But there might be more, my mother had a history of long lovers." He explained. 

"So they're half-siblings?" You asked.

"Some are, mostly the youngest, my late sister and I were a year apart and Tasha, the one who I don't speak with, she is from my father's lineage." He answered. "My mother tired easily of men and although my father was King he was no exception. Elodi was born before I was banished, much more hardened than when I was younger Nia never spent time with Elodi. She almost died one winter, if it wasn't for me. For Azgeda it's not good to have such an attached child and my mother was trying to right the balance but she was making it worse. I think it was part of the reason she banished me." Roan explained, despite the information his face never gave the emotion on much of his relationship with his family. Always guarded you supposed, you certainly couldn't really complain. 

There was a pregnant silence as the two of you finished your drinks not making eye contact. 

"What about you, any siblings?" It was a bit forced.

"Oh I don't really-" You paused at Roan's expectant look wanting to say you don't really have to share but realised he had answered now it was your turn. "People on the Ark aren't allowed to have siblings, but I was one of the few exceptions. I don't know my parents but chose to sacrifice themselves so that they could bring both me and my brother into the world." You paused, memories of the Ark flooding back. "I knew my brother well even though we were split since birth. A family had asked to take in my brother since they couldn't conceive their own child. Chancellor Kane volunteered to raise me but he wasn't a good person back then so I spent most of my time with the Griffins and my brother."

"Where's your brother now?" Roan asked.

"Not here anymore but he wasn't cut out for this." You said almost observantly. "If you don't mind, Haihefa, I am tired." You stood and gave one last glance at Roan then left.

 

 

It's almost pure bliss, the warmth of the sheets as you stir from your sleep, to stretch, it doesn't seem that morning had even begun to touch the sky, you notice as you turn to the window.  Something glints in the corner of your eye as it moves, it's enough to set you on edge when you can't make sense of the dark corner. Your muscles strain against your movements as you pull the dagger from underneath the pillow.he movement you execute is quick and agile and before the intruder can react you have a knife to his throat.  When a chuckle rumbles through the intruder's throat, you pull the curtains back with your free hand to let the moonlight filter into the room  . The man sits with his hands  slightly  raised in surrender but an amused look on his face for the most part. "Who are you?" you press the cold blade further into his skin.

"Haihefa sent me." He says  simply  , you glare at him for a moment longer before you pull away and run a hand through your hair. " _Yu laik meizen gon skaikru ._ _Tel ai, laik yu otaim pri akluad_? (Your pretty for Skaikru. Tell me, are you always somewhat naked?)"

"If you don't get out in five seconds, I will murder you."  Maybe you were being a little dramatic but was the guy expecting you to be all rainbows and sunshine when he had just plucked you from the warmth of sleep in such a rude manner 

 

When you exit the room, dressed in your own clothes, the man is leaning against the wall across from the door to your room. "You have some balls." You stop to watch him  carefully .

"That's what Azgeda  are known  for, Jus Gona ."  You asses him, he's caring a blade on his hip and two knives in his boots, the Azgeda scars on his temples  indicate  that he is a warrior and the quality of his blade suggests his high ranking or the fact that he is a good warrior at best .

" _Y_ _u na don stedaunon_ (You could have been dead), staining the carpets, how do you think that would have made Skaikru look ?"

" _Ai nou_ (I'm not)." He shrugs his shoulders and follows as you start walking away, " _Haihefa biyo ai beda shoun raun yu_. (The King said I should show you around)."

"I am aware." You throw over your shoulder as you make your way down the steps of the palace to the outside.  You needed new clothes suitable for the weather, here so that you could stop having to dress layer upon layer of your own clothes each day and start being able to move around without looking like a bloody penguin .

" _Yo vaut azgeda gon the stegeda na sis au yu? Skaikru?_ (You think the people of the village will help you?)" You stop on the steps leading up to the massive front doors of the palace and turn around to look up at him. " _Ai laik_ _Oren_ , I am part of the King's personal guard. Come, I'll show you Azgeda life." He strides past you taking the lead, you consider it for a moment, deciding to go for it even though you don't trust him. You follow him through the busy market not listening as he rambles on about the sights, the people and the culture. Instead, you watch the people who observe you as they talk to others, checking behind you for any stalkers and note the faces, what they're carrying, they're built. You almost walk into Oren as he stops, he's already turned to you, watching you now. " _Din du tel yu, yu don non-wich in_? (Did someone ever tell you, you're a little paranoid?)"

" _Nou thau sad op em chopa kom graun_ .  (Not without picking up his teeth from the ground.)" Oren pauses for a moment at how  casually  you relay the sentence to him, the meaning not lost in translation and turns around to duck through the door of the store that you are standing outside of . He ignores you as you pause in front of the entrance glancing inside as if something will jump out and try to scare you, though he doubts you're the jumpy type and makes a note try you one day... when you're unarmed, of course.

He approaches the shopkeeper while you 'browse' the store watching them.  You notice the shopkeeper glancing your way, her mouth pulled into a thin line but Oren quickly  catches her attention as he interacts with her. You can't make out what he's saying to her as he speaks softly to her, but you can see his body language. He's submissive but the way he stands tells you he's trying to charm her.  She glances at you one last time,  shamelessly  looking you up and down before she nods and heads into the back of the store.  Oren comes to stand next to you as your fingers skim over the different coloured rocks put out on display on old moulded doilies.  He smiles at you, which is  just  visible with the wrinkles in the corner's of his eyes as his beard covers his mouth, you roll your eyes.  The woman returns, clothes bundled in her arms, she hands them to you taking caution to not get too close, or let your hands touch, she doesn't even care when you notice this,  simply  turns around to stand at the counter again.  Oren is waiting  patiently  as you walk up to the counter and places an amount of money on the wooden table, you don't know how much you're is putting down but the way the woman's eyes flash up to meet yours, your figure it's not good so you place five more down  . Oren grabs you by the shoulder and steers you out the shop, speaking while he pushes you forward. "Wow, Jus Gona , you  just  bought that woman all her meals for the winter." When you shrug off his hand, he continues: "See, this is why you need me."  He calls a patrolling guard over and takes the clothes from your arms and places them in his after a short order the guard walks off to take them back to the palace.

 

 

Somewhere along the line, Oren had stopped talking when he noticed you weren't interested, you   simply  paced the streets now  .  It's much more empty,  barely  anyone outside, you turn to Oren to warn him when men step out from the small alleyways between the buildings  . Both stop and watch the situation unfold. You note the scars on these men, they look sloppy and homemade, it must be some form of a gang. " _Os sonop, lukot_ (Good Morning, Friends)."  Oren says  joyfully  but two men  quickly  surround him and push him past the other men to the outside of the circle, he fights them, hand going for his sword .

" _Nou teik disha tofon, Natrona_. (Don't make this harder, Traitor)." The one man spat, Oren stood ready but didn't draw his sword as he looked past them at you. You don't touch the weapon at your side, you know they're looking for a reason to attack.

" _Ai biyo disha gonasleng den bilaik yu get in_  (I am going to say this in English so you understand) This is our land, _gada_  (girl), there is no place for the likes of you here." He spat on the ground at your boots. Your stare doesn't falter, nor does your expression change from its placid tone, you simply wait for the events to unfold, for your day to get more interesting. The crowd around the leader cheers him on in some sort of a mantra and he paces in front of you, a smile on his face. " _Chit dula yu biyo nau_?  (What do you have to say now?)" He questions coming to stand in front of you, with no regards to your personal space what-so-ever. You hear the person that steps up behind you and listens as a blade slides from a leather sheath but it is simply a knife, the grind against its sheath quick. He jabs at your back, you feel the hit but simply struggle with balance for a mere second before you turn around to face the man. Th grin on his face fades into a stunned look as he glances from you to the blade in his hand and back up again. " _Em nou drein au._ (She doesn't bleed)" Someone in the crowd whispers.

" _Yu gaf in sis au_?  (Do you need help?)" You ask the quite literal backstabber, almost sounding sincere, everyone freezes, the men and women around you whisper but no one dares move.

" _Yu laik kripa_. (You are a demon)"

" _Ai sen in heard bilaik fou_ (I've heard that before), I don't  really  like it." You point out. 

"What is happening here?" The king's voice travels through the streets, he is atop his horse, the crowd parting to let him through. "I was being welcomed by the citizens of Radek."  You say when no one answers, the people start disappearing through the streets but for a moment the leader lingers, he bows  dramatically  to the king but keeps his glare on you before he turns and walks away . "I want a word with you when I get back." Roan is gone before you can even begin to say something in return. Great.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get attacked in your room, so what does Roan do? Ground you to your room (the logic????)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't ever think my trigedasleng is correct. It is far from. 
> 
> Sorry I haven't posted in a while.

 You were  just  beginning to think how familiar the site of the king's quarters were becoming to you when you walked in. Except for this time Roan was there accompanied by Echo. Conspirador numero uno didn't stop with her whispers even as you stood there. " _Yu beda don frag em bilaik_. (You should have killed them both)" Roan gave her a look and she finally shut up. You kind of wished you had that power. She didn't care to apologise as she walked into you when she left, the doors slammed shut behind her.

 You could see the anger bloom over Roan's features as he pushed himself up away from the map he had been leaning over and turned away from you. The silence lingered so long, you decided to remind him that you were still there:

"Do you-"

 "That was stupid and reckless." Roan stated.

 "And?" That made him turn back around with a glare.

 "And that's exactly what you're not here to do."

 "Then what the hell am I here to do? I don't recall there being any instructions or rules."

 "Do I need to babysit you too?" He questioned.

 "Are you blind? I'm not Clarke, I am not some born leader, in fact, I'm the total opposite.  Maybe  no one told you what you signed up for but I have a haywire moral compass. So I need to know what the hell do you want?" That shut him up, at least for two seconds as the crown ways heavy on his head, he sighs.

 

"How'd you do it?" The sudden change in subject and tone was surprising, to say the least. You lifted up your shirt revealing chain male underneath. "You  just  wear that around?"

"I was cold." A look of amusement flashed through his eyes. If anything Roan liked you, you concluded, who goes from scolding to a joke in 0.5 seconds flat. You also knew  however  that it would come second to his duties. "It was dark and I couldn't see, I could go on." He leaned against the table and folded his arms and an actual smirk on his face.

 "Please do."

 "Don't criticise me, it saved me and you in the end." You shot back.

 "Oh and how exactly did it save me?" Roan frowned.

 "Saved you from the wrath of Lexa and Clarke. Granted I'll have a few bruises but at least I saved your ungrateful ass."

 "Is that a joke?"

 "No."

 

"Prove your worth to Azgeda." You  were frozen  for a moment.

 "That's what you want?"

 "That's not what I want that's what we need, that's what your clan need. And although it was completely idiotic, you did prove some of it today." He gave you a pointed glare  just  to make sure that you knew he didn't approve of that particular method.

 "And how do I do that?"

 "I don't know. _Bilaik st yu dula, kripa kom Skaikru_. (That is your job, demon)." Roan answered, you nodded, you could do that.

 

 

 

You were already up when the knock sounded at the door and Oren burst in,  just  as you were tying your hair back.

"You should stop knocking, it's pointless if you're going to violet my privacy anyway." You deadpanned.

" _Haihefa don nau teik in yu kom bants._ (The King has forbid you to leave)"

"Of course he has." You got rid of the idea to train in the courtyard, casting your sword on the bed and unwrapping your hands. Halfway through you stopped and look at Oren again. "Are you waiting for a treat or?" 

"The King also said I'm supposed to stay by your side."

"No." You continued unwrapping.

"But-"

"I don't care. Fat load of good you were yesterday."

"I couldn't-" 

"Oren, I don't care. I can protect myself, always have and always will."  Oren quieted with a contemplative look, with your relentless resolve he left, closing the doors behind you.

 

 

It was  nearly  afternoon when you had long since tired of staring out the window at the snow falling  softly  as the soldiers trained in the courtyard. There was a little commotion outside your door and you perked up.  The King entered with an apologising Oren on his heels,  just  as you stood from the ground turning away from the big window and letting the fur blanket fall from your shoulders embracing the coldness that accompanied the two men into the room.

"You  really  are stubborn." He commented not  entirely  a joke or a criticism. "Council meeting, I would like you there." Roan said, you nodded.

So far you have discovered  just  how rude Azgeda has been, they  barely  knock, they greet new people with daggers and they stare.  The tension was clear as you stepped into the room behind the King, bows turning into something more reluctant as they stood straight.  When Roan sat everyone sat, you shifted your gaze over the faces of Roan's Councilmen and women from your position next to him.  All of  them, armed, not short of the physics or markings that Azgedan warriors possessed. You didn't exactly expect the council to consist of merchants and noble, Azgeda was a War Nation after all.

"This my guest. Y/n kom Skaikru. _Bandrona gon em kru_. (Ambassador for her people)" Nothing could resolve the tension that still lingered. Roan nodded to the man standing in the corner who stepped forward unrolling a piece of paper.

"In the previous meeting lead by Queen Nia's hand, Thoff kom Azgeda, the following problems  were unresolved  : The Eastern village, Stromclud and Luktri have sent in requests for food for the winter." Roan's gaze shifted over the faces of the people at the table. "How much do we have in our stores?"

"Our reserves  are limited  , haihefa,  we might  be able to feed the eastern village."

" _Chomauda osir kodon? Skaikru fleim daun mous Luktri, emo beda kof._ (Why should we share? Skaikru burned most of Luktri, they should pay)" One of the councilmen piped up glaring at you.

"You will speak English in front of our guest." The King demanded. 

" _Skaikru hon in nou spek duan kom ai_. (Skaikru get no respect from me)" 

" _Luktri fleim daun kom Kane, em nou chich gon skaikru_. (Luktri  was burned  down by Kane, he doesn't speak for Skaikru)." the silence that followed your words was enough to let you know that no one expected you knew the language. 

The uproar began right after, feeling threatened the man stood as he raised his voice.

"Sit down, Councillor." He didn't obey. 

"We can't keep trading an eye for an eye with Skaikru, it will not benefit us, especially now that we should  be preoccupied  with the real problem, to get through this winter." Another councillor said standing to meet the gaze of the bulky man who was glaring at you. 

"Natrona (Traitor)." He spit on the ground beside him. The whole room burst into a screaming match.

 

 

You were still trying to get rid of the headache as you walked back to your room. "Are you even listening?" Roan asked.

"How can I listen when I'm deaf."  The meeting was a tad unsuccessful, Roan had to dismiss the whole room -the loudest you ever heard Roan yell in your life-, to get rid of the chaos.

"This is how it always is, Azgeda doesn't do calm. Besides were sitting in a room full of war generals.  Council meetings are rarely successful, but part of tradition, which is the only reason I don't  just  make the decisions myself, which is what my mother used to do anyway."

"Skaikru has enough." Roan stopped in his tracks and turned to you eyebrow raised.

"How do you know?" 

"We raided mount weather not too long ago, before you're people blew it up. We had to freeze our crops for because our food supply was off the charts. The crops could feed hundreds for winter."

"And why would Skaikru give up resources earned from hard labour?" He questioned, eyebrow raised.

"Well, for one  technically  we did burn the Luktri village and if we want to get in Azgeda's good books then why not?"

"That's still not enough but it would help. Our only problem is that Azgeda won't accept anything from Skaikru."

"Are you talking about the villagers or the councillors?" You asked.

"We could host a tournament, the losing village among the three will  be awarded  weapons to hunt their food for the winter." Roan suggested.

"Tournament? Sounds violent, judging by what I've seen to far."

"It is the Azgeda way." Roan said  firmly. "Ambassador." He greeted before he left.

 

Oren was somewhat like a lost puppy.  He followed you to the mess hall where you ate your meals and back again to your room, he accompanied you to the courtyard as you trained assuring him that  technically  you weren't leaving the castle after all.

Roan was to be  officially  crowned tonight, his court only consisted of his most fearsome warriors and notable war figures.  The mess hall tables  were filled  to the brim while you had  been invited  to the head table, sitting next to Echo who looked  equally  disgusted by the seating arrangements.  The feast would  be served  as soon as the King gave a speech, and you had  been dressed  in Azgedan battle garments as your clan had a lack of traditional war clothing as Izabel had pointed out.  The servant poured a serving of wine or mead or some form of a particularly sour liquor for all the people at the head table.  Roan's speeches were always good speeches, a little trivial but nothing less than expected from a King, he raised his goblet an everyone in the room followed his movements. The king's tester stepped up and took the first sip handing the goblet back to Roan. "You should let me test yours." Oren whispered from behind. Okay, no, he was more like an irritating  fly  than a puppy. You ignored him as the King took his first sip and the hall echoed it. The music that followed the ordeal, was... something and somehow started up the chatter that rumbled through.

 The whole affair wasn't as boring as it seemed, from your view upon the dais you could see the exact moment when fights started in the crowds which were your entertainment for the night. When you got bored you called the servant to fill your goblet once more, most of the table was empty anyway. Roan and his uncle at the other end of the room. You took a sip  just  as Oren commented  just  how stubborn you were. "Don't mistake stubbornness for stupidity, Oren." Echo added,  just  as you choked.  You turned to look at Oren who's face became panic-stricken as soon as he saw you, even Echo had paused her eating to stare at you.  Just  when Oren was about to bolt for some form of help, you dropped the act.

"Your face gets all funny when you're worried." Oren was so angry, the tips of his ears turning as red as his beard as you turned back to your food.

"The boy who cried wolf." Echo interjected once more continuing with her own meal.

Oren didn't even escort you back to your room,  simply  disappeared some time.

>  
> 
> The loud bang woke you up
> 
> Blinking  rapidly  in the bright lights you stood, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. Walking out of your room, towards the group that had gathered in the hallway. Whoever had broken whatever, Raven was going to  be pissed. Marcus came through the crowd of guards to stop you. They were standing in front of his open door.
> 
> "Y/n  maybe  you shouldn't go in." Marcus advised but you brushed him off to pause in the doorway.
> 
> The blood was everywhere.
> 
> And bits of your brother too.

The cold draft made you shiver and sit up straight from where you had been lying on the floor by the window. Glancing back, the doors to your room was slightly ajar. Immediately on high alert you stood quickly and glanced around the room. The fire had died and the candles had been blown out by the wind leaving the room bathed in dark shadows where anyone could hide. So you tried to listen as you strode over to the door and closed it turning again to see if you could spot anything. You shivered the silence relieving as you reached the desk to light a candle. There. Spinning around you dodged the dagger coming at you as it lands in the hardwood of the desk. The attacker pulls the weapon free as you take slow steps backwards. He steps into the moonlight but reveals only that his face is covered, before you could reach the bed where you sword lay, he jumps again, creating a distraction with his one hand which you dodge only to narrowly stop the knife from plunging into your stomach. The cut on your hands sting as you push back with a tight grip on the blade barely managing to throw the attacker off balance, he regains quickly coming at you once more. You finally spring into action and give a hard kick to the attacker's knees which give out underneath him. He swings the dagger up but you catch his arm quickly wanting to break his wrist but the attacker climbs to his feet in one swift move and knocks you right in the face. 

You had forgotten how it felt to be punched, the taste of blood in your mouth the blinding pain that left you senseless for a moment or two after a good hit. When you roll over onto your stomach the attacker had already left the room. 

 

 

"What happened to your face?" Roan asked, pointing to the split lip that had been irritating you all morning.

"Slipped and fell out of bed."

"You don't really strike me as the clumsy type." Roan said, obviously not believing the clear lie.

"Got tangled in the sheets when I got up." You shrugged. 

"I called a council meeting, I'm going to tell them our plan, only I'm going to take credit for it." 

"Is that supposed to hurt my feelings?"

"They won't accept anything you propose, not yet at least." Roan explained you nodded. "I need you to write a letter to Skaikru to ask about the food. I will make sure it reaches them, once we get correspondence we can pick a day." 

Just as you are about to pull the doors open to head to the council room, Roan snatches both hands. The bandages over your palms are a clear indication that something wasn't quite right. Roan isn't really gentle about it even as you wince. His face shifts into a scowl. "Where's Oren?" You shrug. "And you didn't tell anyone that you were attacked by someone with a knife?" You shook you're head. "Did you have an idea of who it was or how he looked?"

"His face was covered, he got away." His scowl turned into pure irritation. 

"You're staying here, I'm calling Oren." 

"So I'm grounded?" Roan didn't answer as he slammed the door shut.

Great. More endless window staring.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You face of against Gendru but things don't go quite a expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite the fact that I'm not really happy with this story I'm still writing it which is weird, I usually delete things I don't like. I hope someone enjoys it at least a little

The day had finally arrived. Today was the opening to the tournament and after a week and half of being mostly in your room, you were glad for the fresh air.

 Behind the village was a half-wrecked stadium that Azgeda used as an arena.  The stands  were packed  with the people from all villages, the main event between Luktri, Stromclud and the Eastern Village would take place on the third day and final day.  The first two days would  be filled  with festivities, a feast -as if people weren't starving enough-, some fights showcasing the bravest warriors challenging others and public scaring ceremonies for those who have come of age.

You  were dressed  in a simple long sleeved shirt covered by a fur jacket with pants and a pair of combat boots that was more than enough to keep you warm. You had wrapped your hands with bandages and pulled on a shirt that hooked over your thumb to stop the ache that you felt in your hands when it got this cold.  The wounds were healing very  slowly, the pink lines that now crossed your palms  were scabbed  over but you still struggled to grip things  tightly  in your left hand, your dominant hand.

Roan  was seated  on the throne, Echo standing on one side, war paint on her face and you on the other side. The first fight that had commenced was between one of the war generals on Roan's council and his second. Although this was a fight to the death, not all challenges this weakened would be.  The fight was won in short victory as the younger, the second finally pushed his sword through the chest of his mentor. The crowd burst into cheers, a cry that echoed through everyone's chest.  It left a bitter taste in your mouth, sure you weren't  really  ever sappy about someone dying, it happened, but you weren't used to people's lives  being used  as entertainment.

The second fight was  basically  a marriage dispute, husband and wife fighting for dominance. It ended with the woman's sword to the man's throat, this time it rose fewer cheers from the crowd.  It was then that a man, stepped into the arena, alone, he came and bowed in front of the King and as he rose you recognised his face. It was the councilman who had challenged you in the meeting about two weeks ago. As if on queue at the thought, his gaze shifted to you. "Ai, Gendru kom Azgeda challenge the one they call Jus Gona."  Everyone seemed to freeze at the challenge, except the crowds who  slowly  started stomping their feet as the request hung in the air. "Challenging my guest means you are challenging me." Roan piped up before you could string words together. "And I-"

"I accept." You stepped forward, the foot-stomping silenced and cheers rose. 

 

The door slammed closed behind you, but you stood near the threshold ready for the uproar. In the King's chambers again.

"It's what Clarke would do."  Is the first thing you say when Roan turns to you, anger on his face, that takes the words out of everyone's mouths in the room.  "If you accepted the challenge then you wouldn't exactly have gained the favour of your people, I would have looked weak and if you die then I sure as hell dead too."

"She isn't wrong." Echo pointed out, Roan sighed. Oren was also  uncharacteristically  quiet.

"Look it's set for tomorrow afternoon, I have plenty of time to prepare."

"You haven't even trained  properly  with a sword yet." Roan said still resenting the fact that you would be fighting a war general to death.

"I can do it." You said  firmly.

"Fine but you're training with Oren." That was  really  starting to get old, the orders.

Echo and Roan left to attend the rests of today's events while you made use of the King's empty chambers, which had a large open but private space that you wouldn't find anywhere else.  Despite Oren's ironic and impassive nature, he was a natural and brutal fighter, his advances were quick and he gained a lot of ground, a few times you almost found yourself trapped between him and the wall but his defences were easy to get through. Your biggest problem was the fact that your thumbs grip on the sword was to lose to actually keep hold of the hilt. A few times you found yourself having to dodge Oren's attacks as your sword lay on the ground feet away. Your best bet would be to strike hard and fast and not allow your opponent to bring up your defences for too long.

"Again."  Oren said standing straight, you were good at dodging his attacks even if you were swordless you agility allowing you to escape but if this was a real fight you might tire out before your opponent.

You picked up your sword, a little out of breath.

"You can't keep losing your sword."

"I'm trying." Your hands were burning and bleeding, the bandages had longs since torn and the scabs had  been ripped  off.

"You need to try harder."  Still not losing hope even at his reminder you dodged his attack by ducking under his sword and bring your sword up to push it against his throat, but Oren was way ahead of you, kicking you in the side and making you stumbled to the ground as you lost your balance,  Barely  even hitting the ground you recovered and block his attack, which seems to ring through your hands as the metal connected.  You twisted your blade around his until you purposefully drop your sword and grabbed his hand and then his other wrist, kneeing him in the stomach twice then twisting one of his hand behind his back, you kicked his knee out from under him and grabbed your sword and pressed it to his neck before he could recover.

"Is that hard enough?"

"That's enough for tonight, get some rest."

Despite your hunger you returned to your room, it was already dark outside and you were more tired than anything else.

 

You're  barely  awake when Roan bursts into your room, all determined. You sit up raising an eyebrow at him as he paused at the foot of the bed. It's past dawn but he's already dressed and ready for the day. As if a thought sifts through his mind he hesitates unsure.

"Oren said that you're not half bad."  The exact person which was currently missing, he usually spends the night dosing in the chair but you  certainly  hadn't heard him come in last night or leave early morning.

"Suppose to be a compliment or?" The silence follows after as Roan completely ignores your question. "You're nervous." You state somewhat  hesitant to acknowledge it.

"The last thing Azgeda needs right now is to go to war and I fear that if you die it would be unavoidable."

"Hmm, yeah,  I think  you're  secretly  afraid of Lexa kicking your ass again besides my people wouldn't go to war over my death. They  basically  hate me."

"Clarke doesn't hate you."

"Clarke doesn't think war is a solution or a good revenge strategy." You pointed out.

"It's unnerving how calm you are."

"It comes with being a sociopath." You shrug. Roan looks  visibly  less nervous now after your joke, which was surprising enough. You wouldn't ever describe yourself as having a calming effect on anyone.  "Besides if you haven't realised by now, despite Clarke's dislike of my talents, I'm quite good at killing people."

"Why do you follow Clarke?" Roan asks, catching you a little off guard, but you know the answer.

"Because she has a hell of a lot of a better chance of being right than I do." Roan nods, seeming to accept your answer before he turns around and leaves.

The emptiness of the room leaves you to wonder if you  really  would still trust Clarke like you did before, but she hasn't been wrong yet, not about sending you here. But she also hasn't been right, you haven't  really  achieved anything but stir up trouble so far.  After soaking in the bath, you braid your hair out of your face and then curl up in front of the window until breakfast, snow is  lightly  falling outside and below people are training.  You try to find some part of yourself that is even a little bit nervous or hesitant but you  honestly  couldn't say you were, this was nothing different from any other day.

Oren finally shows up right as you are about to go get some food, he's quieter than usual but not tense or anything as far as you can tell,  just  broody. It got to the point where he even ignored you when you asked where he was last night.

"What's up with you?"

"You  are fucked." You stare at him, eyebrows knitted together as you pause spoon in hand.

"Thanks for believing in me."  You answer before grabbing another spoonful of porridge,  just  as you try to think where he got that conclusion from he explains:

"When you win, then Gendru will die." You pause a little, caught up in his sentence usage for a moment.

"What's your point?"

"General Gendru  is supported by  many people, if you kill him, there are some who you might not win over. This means that you will not have eliminated more threats but only created more."

"Well, I sure as hell am not going to choose war or my own death." You add. "Besides, why is everyone so stressed about this?" Oren gives you a weird look like you're crazy but you ignore it.

 

 

 

Your weapon is freshly sharpened just before you enter the arena, Echo brings it to you being her ever lovely self, she shoves it into your hands and ends with "I hope he gives you a quick death." You don't reply as she leaves but instead, you turn to Oren.

"At least someone is not worried about me." You joke, Oren  just  shakes his head as you fix the arm guards to sit more securely.  You have chosen to go without your bandages fearing they will  just  be in the way but the wounds still looked angry and inflamed from yesterdays torture and you have no doubt they will be more sensitive.

"You can do this." Oren says one last time as the challenge  is announced  outside and the crowd roars.

"I know." You grin and pat Oren on the shoulder as you run out.

Gendru stands beside you as you both face Roan, he stays silent for a moment longer than necessary but then with the wave of a hand starts the fight, you both draw your swords and face each other.There's a moment where both of you pause, the falling snow drifting to the floor, the crowd silent as they wait. Then just as if it feels like the moment has lasted too long, Gendru launches, his sword swipes are precise and fast as you dodge each one. You realise too late that it was only a distraction as he sweeps your feet out from under you and land hard on your back barely having time to recover before he uses both hands to plummet the sword at you. Heaving yourself out of the way you dodge another sweep of his sword and then catch the back of his calf as your roll to your feet. The crowd oo's as the general sags to his knees. You allow him time to recover because you decided to be nice even when you knew he wouldn't be. He stands and you wonder if you should have gone for his Achilles tendon, that would have slowed him down. This time he waits for you to strike and you do bouncing blows off him even as he blocks, he deflects one blow hard and pushes against his blade until he throws you off balance, you stumble backwards and block his strikes. He' trying to wear you out, but the trick is on him, still, you allow him time to think he is doing something right. He tries the same move as before, using his sword to distract you and using any of his other three limbs to knock you down, but you don't fall for it this time. You grab his fist, effectively blocking his punch just as his sharp blade slides past your cheek. You throw away the act, you're ragged breathing steadying just as you slice across his chest, he stumbles backwards but straightens to come after you again but doesn't have enough time to get past your defences instead having to block your sword. You shift your sword around his and slicing down his hand then punching him in the stomach. The crowd is oo's again as you catch his wrist, his blade now discarded on the ground. He clutches his fingers tightly but you decide to stretch it a little further. Kicking his sword away you allow your opponent time to recover. He gets to his feet, takes a breather or two before he comes at you strong again. He doesn't miss the blade that slices his side as you move past him. He takes off running for his sword and you assess him. He's almost done, he's lost too much blood to not be weak. You let him pick up the sword and turn back again. He blocks your attack, but he isn't fast enough to block the kick to his side, he stumbles but recovers quick with an up slash that you barely have time to jump out of but you're quick to strike again, you use the butt of your blade to knock the sword out of his hand, catching his sword with your right hand. He moves back and raises his neck to avoid his own blade that you hold there as you step forward. You could slide your sword right through his neck or chest between his fourth and fifth rib and he would be dead. But death isn't the worst thing.

"Next time you utter a challenge, think it through, if you can speak that is." You make one slice down his throat in a scew line, he stumbles to his knees from the shock. He clutches his neck, blood slowly trickling through his fingers. 

" _Frag op_. (Kill)" The crowd begins to chant. As you turn to them and watch, you could still do it, one last temptation that you're almost transfixed by. 

"I'm not Azgeda." You cast Gendru's sword aside. You turn to Roan as the crowd falls into an unmatchable silence. "Save him." You pause then add "Or don't." Gendru chokes on the blood that runs into his lungs behind you before you leave the arena. The arena is still in dead silence as you disappear into the hallway leading to outside.

You sheath your sword when you're out in the cold weather again, your hands raw from the fight, the cut on your cheek burns unnecessarily bad as you tuck your hands into your armpits, it feels unwittingly cold as the breeze only lightly blows past you. You keep the castle in sight as you walk through the mostly empty village. The arena is still quiet which must mean that a break has been called. You just wanted a bath right now, you felt so tired all of the sudden. Just as you glance up from where you've scoped the ground, the castle now looming before you, it blurs. The dizzy feeling overwhelms you and makes your head throb. Just had to make it to your room. You climb the steps of the palace a little of balance but manage without stumbling until you reach the top step. Just as you enter the castle a wave of nausea hits you. Something is very, _very_ wrong. You walk at a much more brisker pace and try to listen to your surroundings while the blood rushes through your ears. Just down the hallway, up another flight of stairs and then the first door on the left. Just as you reach the steps you stop, your cheek stings again and you sway on your feet. Through your bleary mind, you piece it all together. It had to be on his sword, on the blade. You see someone move out the corner of your eye but don't stick around long enough to see who it is. Instead, you sprint of the steps taking two, three at a time, on the last step your foot misses its footing and you stumble. Despite your muscles fighting against you, you push yourself up and stumbled down the wall and through the doors of your room.Your guards that are usually posted outside are gone. 

You fall against the desk as you try to reach the chair and then manage to pull yourself upright, though it's agonising. You drag the chair over to the door and barely manage to push the chair underneath the handles but stumble last moment to ground, sliding down against the door, you're cheek resting heavily against the cold wood, someone slams their shoulder into the door and you barely manage to fight off grasping hands before your vision fades and with it your consciousness


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jus Gona is gone and even with all the kings' horses and all the king's men the warrior could not be found again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to the Commenters who helped me finish the chapter. Comments really do help me write faster because they inspire me! Thanks dolls!

Roan returned from another futile search, the guards pulling the doors open to his rooms. The doors lingering open a little longer and the footsteps that paced in after him, informed him that Echo had followed him from the stables, which only meant one thing. She was going to lecture him. 

"Roan, you can't keep missing the council meetings, it's been three so far. They've not been happy about your absence."

"I sent you." Roan turned to face her after he cast his sword on the bed still in its sheath.

"It doesn't solve the problem." 

 

The doors swung open again, to reveal one of the particular devils they were just talking about. It was an elderly woman, the previous advisor of his mother's who might he add, hated him almost as much as Nia did. She flicked her head in the direction of the door, settling her steady glare on Echo. The younger girl almost visibly seethed but stomped out none the less.

"Haihefa, in case no one informed you, you have a certain amount of responsibilities to your clan and so far, you have been neglecting your duty as king." Well, they certainly weren't beating around the bush but Roan was sick of everyone telling him how to be King. 

" _Chit du yu_ vout _ai don_ ge dula _?_ (What do you think I've been doing)" His anger surprised her and soon he could see her temper slipping but he beat her to it. "Let me explain this to you, I appreciate you trying to tell me, the King, how to rule my clan but I am trying to avoid a war. Our guest that is missing, isn't just Skaikru. She is one of Wanheda's most trusted advisors, Wanheda who's clan is protected by Lexa, the commander of all the nine clans."

" _Ai op yu, skat._ (Watch yourself, boy) Your rule is fragile, it would be a shame if you were replaced by a more influenceable child of Nia." 

"Who's going to stop a war against the eight other clans? A 13-year-old or a 6-year-old? Try me, advisor, an empty threat can also cost you your head." That shut her up. She was used to the 16-year-old boy that dipped his head in shame when his mother spoke to him, but Nia wasn't here and even then he'd changed so much. 

 

"I am leaving to meet with Trikru tonight, Jaime will be in charge in my absence and I'll inform him that if anyone threatens my rule, he will have their head on a pike." A bit dramatic but the threat was enough to divert the attention away from the fact that they would have 'enemies' on Azgeda soil. He dismissed her and ordered his guards to prepare for his departure.

 

____

 

He couldn't bear to look at Clarke, her eyes were bloodshot he guessed it wasn't because of the cold winds, blowing from the east. It was well past sunset when he rode into the temporary camp that Lexa's men had set up. The men he had brought went to work at setting up their own place to sleep for the night, glaring at those from Skaikru and Trikru on watch. Lexa, Clarke, Bellamy, Abby and Marcus had come out to greet him as he and Echo dismounted. 

Lexa's guards raised their weapons as soon as he took a step closer. Roan paused as Echo drew her sword. 

"Tell me why I shouldn't end your life right now?" The commander demanded, Roan waved off Echo and the few men that had stepped closer as soon as they had seen them.

"Lexa." Clarke said, the commander's eyes travelled to Wanheda and she called her men off. "Anything?"

"We haven't gathered much of a trial." Roan informed, grimly. 

"Why don't we take this inside, where it is at least a little warmed?" Marcus suggested gesturing to the tent behind them. Everyone followed Lexa to the inside of the tent, a map of the area had been rolled out on the table.

“First tell us what happened?” Abby said when no one made a move to speak, the room was a little tense as if waiting for bad news but the news they had received was already grave enough.

“Someone poisoned her drink, they must have planned it out well because the timing was perfect so that when she reached the castle, there wouldn’t be many servants or guards left as everyone would be at the tournament. We know that my Uncle is behind this, nothing smells more like his plan than a kidnapping.” Roan’s eyes connecting to Lexa’s as an afterthought that maybe he shouldn’t have referenced the particular event, Lexa averted her gaze to the table. “We don’t know who else is involved.”

“And the areas you have searched?” Marcus asked, Clarke was still silent as if she was waiting for some revelation that would solve their problems.

“We have found small traces of evidence that might lead to her whereabouts and we have covered all the regions to the northeast and most of the west.”

“Might?” Clarke questioned the anger rising in her voice even as it shook.

“Clarke.” Her mother tried to calm her down.

“No, Mom. I can’t believe you let this happened.” She was standing far away from him maybe to or three strides. He took a step forward, feeling his own anger flare up but didn’t let it control him.

“I remember warning you that it will be dangerous that I will do everything in my power to protect her, yet you agreed.” He took another step closer and Clarke took one back. “I also remember (y/n) warned you as well but yet you agreed after she asked you not to.” Her back hit the table.

“That’s enough.” Lexa declared. “It doesn’t matter who is at fault, we need to find those responsible.”

“And bring (y/n) home.” Clarke declared.

“We will start in the morning, for now, get some rest. Clarke, Roan please stay behind.” Marcus, Abby left along with Echo and Bellamy who had been silent the whole meeting.

 

Once everyone had exited the tent but the three, she started: “We should all remember that there is a chance that this won’t work out the way we want it to.” Clarke shook her head, tears rushing to her eyes. “I am only saying this to you to prepare you,” Lexa took a step closer to Clarke and grasped her hands in her own, “there is a strong chance that (y/n) is dead.” 

“No, I don’t believe that. I can’t, you can’t.”

“Clarke, we need to keep a level head, I know how you feel I’ve been here before, the same people who took Costia away from me have tried to take (y/n) away from you.” 

Clarke took a step back shrugging of Lexa’s touch as she covered her mouth, tears streaming down her face. Then she turned tail and ran out the tent.

“Clarke!” Lexa called after her, ready to follow but Roan stopped her.

“You need to give her time, this won’t be easy for her.” For some reason, Lexa listened, he must have performed some miracle on her.

 

Lexa paused, “I don’t know what she means to you, but I said those things to you too, hoping to prepare you.” Roan didn’t nod, he left.

 

 

They had been searching through a heavily wooded area for hours but the forest didn’t seem to let up, it was slowing them and Roan could feel his own impatience growing. When the woods were this dense with no path, they couldn’t ride on horseback which meant they had to go on foot and ultimately slowed them down. Even though there were now more men to aid in the search Roan felt like it was agonisingly slow. Clarke fell into step beside him, the emotions weren’t as raw on her face as yesterday but she still looked tired. 

“What?”  He questioned when he couldn’t deal with her silence any longer, so he stopped and she stopped beside him, a little surprised that he knew but she went ahead anyway.

“Do you believe her? Do you believe what Lexa said is true?” 

“No.” He started walking again.

“Why?”

“Because, I have hope, becaus withoutut hope we are condemning (y/n) to fate worse than she needs to suffer. That is what I believe.” 

"But it's been three weeks, Roan. Isn't it a bit of stretch?"

"Have you met (y/n)?" He asked sarcastically, it would have been funnier under other circumstances but Clarke couldn't even get herself to smile much. More silence followed as they trudged on.

 

“Haihefa!” A man came running on foot through the woods, towards them, Echo was there before he could reach Roan, unsheathing her blade to point at the man. He froze in his tracks hands raised slightly in surrender. “Haihefa, some villagers recognised a man of your uncle’s description not too long ago in an area nearby.” The news seemed to enlighten the mood of the whole forest, even when it was barely any reassurance. 

“Did they see anyone matching the Jus Gona’s description?”

“They didn’t mention anything of it if they did, Haihefa. We have started a search in the surrounding area but we could use more men.” Roan nodded and the envoy scampered off. Echo sheathed her sword and went ahead to make sure the King’s horse would be waiting for him as he broke through the woods.

 

——

 

They had posted two guards on his uncle at all times and sat him down in a chair where he was completely tied up inside a tent. They weren’t going to take any chances with the slimy fucker. Clarke stood at the entrance of the tent, all she could feel is the knife in her boot burning against her as she stared at the man. The tent flaps have been pulled aside to make sure the other two guards can see what is happening while the two inside stood at the edges of the tent. Roan’s uncle is faced away from the entrance, if only to make it harder for him to think of a plan of escape while he can’t see the layout or his guards. He has the same stature as Roan, maybe a little more slender and less muscled, his hair is slicked back against his head, with what Clarke doesn’t know but his hair isn’t as long as most of the Azgeda males, he has only one braid that stretches from behind his ear to about shoulder length. 

“Are you just going to stand there the whole day, Wanheda?”  She’s not surprised he knew, it’s always particularly easy to sneak up on Roan either. She contemplates the knife in her boot again, still paused in front of the tent.

“Wanheda, King Roan gave the order that no one is to speak with the prisoner until he returns.” The guard reminds her, she ignores him, all she can think about is the pain in her chest and how it would only be satisfied if he too felt some pain.

“Don’t you want to know where your friend is?” Clarke’s blood runs cold, she doesn’t even think about it as she grabs the knife from her boot and lunges for the tent entrance. One of the guards catch her before she  enters the tent fully and the other one helps to hold her back as she tries to claw her way out of their grip. 

“Clarke!” A voice yells close to her and she realises she’s in Bellamy’s arms now as he drags her away from the tent.

“He knows where she is Bellamy.” She stops struggling feeling suddenly weak as if her anger had drained her energy.

“And he is trying to get on your nerves, he won’t tell you, not even if you tortured him.”  He reasons with her, she is used to the feeling now of her throat tightening and her eyes burning.

“What if he killed her?”

 

Bellamy doesn’t get to answer as Roan and a few of his men reaches the camp at their canter pace, only slowing down once they were closer. She looks for (y/n) within the crowd as she walks closer but when she sees none, not even a body, she stops, her chest tightens even further. The sun is fast setting which means they will only be able to be out to search tomorrow again and the nights are so long here in Azgeda

“Anything?” Bellamy is beside her again.

“Not yet but we might have some chance with him.” Bellamy and Clarke turn to look at the tent that Roan stares at. Lexa who had also joined the search party dismounts and gives her horse to an envoy. The four make their way to the tent all entering at once. 

 

Roan comes to stand before his uncle. “You know what, nephew? You should be thanking me.”

“And why is that?”

“I was the one who kept Azgeda from falling in to ruin when your mother day, who prepared our people for your rule and I made sure the Jus Gona is out of your hair-“ Roan’s punch makes Thoff’s head reel to the side where it hangs for a moment before he spits the blood from his mouth and continues on as if nothing happened. “I’ve helped you so much over the past few months and this is how you betray me?”

“Betray you? My brother should have been acting regent instead you asserted yourself. As for the (y/n), if you harmed her in anyway I will make sure you pay.”

“You are letting this opportunity slip through your fingers? You were always blind to see Roan. Take what I have set up for you, banish these enemies off our lands, claim Jus Gona’s death, the people will stand behind you if they know you have taken her power.” You will have an army at your disposal, you will rule the 12th clans. Lexa shifted uncomfortably as her eyes landed on Roan.

“I will have your tongue for your treason.” Lexa barked at him.

“Your threats don’t scare me girl, you couldn’t even protect your precious-“ In a flash Lexa had drawn her sword and embedded it in his gut.

“Lexa,” Roan  stopped her from pulling the sword out. 

“Go find Skai Kru’s healer.” Bellamy said to one of the guards. 

“ _Heda gaf riden_ (The Commander needs rest). Take her to her rooms, Clarke go with her.” 

“Roan you can’t-“

“Lexa, please.” Clarke said, Lexa went reluctantly as she and Clarke was escorted to their rooms. Abby arrived not long after, weary about the prisoner who had started feeling the pain of his wound, she crouched in front of him and inspected the wound with the Commander’s weapon still embedded in it. 

“There is a strong possibility he will bleed out if we remove the sword, I would suggest we patch the wound and leave the sword in, he will be alive longer.” It was clear Abby had no problem in talking about the dying man as if he were a dog in the room.

“You let the Commander do this on Azgeda soil, your mother would be very disappointed.” The man commented as Abby left.

“You will tell me where (y/n) is.” Roan commanded.

“Why would I tell you? I have nothing left to lose. Even if I tell you why does the bitch matter so much, she is already dead.” Bellamy clenched his jaw, he almost understood why Lexa had done what she had done, he could feel the rage curling inside him.

 

 

Roan made his way to his tent as quickly as possible, it was the early hours of the morning and dawn was still far off which meant he would try to get some sleep. The camp was silent except for the guards on duty who walked about and even Thoff’s screaming had stopped. He had just entered his tent and wandered over to the basin with steaming water set out for him when the flaps of the tent ruffled and the guards protested. He turned to look over his shoulder and found Clarke at the entrance with one of his guards, hand on her arm. He waved him off, as he returned to washing his hands. He didn’t miss Clarke’s shocked look as he took in the sight of him. It must have been a sight, because he could feel his uncles’ blood plastered across his forehead, in his hairline.

“Is he dead?”

“He will be, before dawn, I believe.” Once his hands were clean he picked up the cloth and wiped his face.

“Did he say anything?” Roan paused when he’d finished, looking in the broken mirror to make sure he had gotten all of it. He turned to Wanheda and shook his head.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **** Warning: Extreme Violence and Threats of Rape. Please don't read if this triggers you ****
> 
> They had taken his uncles boots and coat away from, made sure he had no weapons and then lead him outside into the snow.
> 
> “This is how you treat your family?” He was so fed up with his uncle, he could have asked them to remove the ropes but it wouldn’t feel as good. 
> 
> “Go.” Roan cocked his head to the snow stretch before them, he wouldn’t even make it fifty meters. 
> 
> “You will never be the ruler your mother was.”
> 
> “That’s the point.” Roan dead panned.

****** Warning: Extreme Violence and Threats of Rape. Please don't read if this triggers you ******

“Clarke?” You called into the darkness just as you heard the movement, the dream you had was quickly fading and you raised your hands to shield yourself as reality resurfaced. Metal clinked as you moved, you could feel whoever it was that they were close.

“Sorry to disappoint.” You knew that voice. You stared for a moment at Roan crouched over you. You had to still be dreaming but it was all too real when Roan gripped your shoulders and hauled you into a sitting position, you clenched your teeth against the pain that burned through your back. Roan settled a cloak around your shoulders, the room was freezing and your torn clothes weren’t helping you fight off the icy temperatures.

“You came to find me.” Roan smirked at your astonished whisper, opening the locks to the shackles.

“Well I was going to leave you but then Clarke begged me to save you despite your annoying nature and irreparable stubborn will.” Roan helped you two your feet by lifting you as if you were nothing. You swayed a little from the sudden shift in position but Roan steadied you until you were able to stand on your own. You pulled the cloak tighter around your form, feeling exposed, you don’t even remember what happened to your boots or any of the jackets you were wearing but they were gone and you were barely left with your own clothes. 

“Roan your uncle-“

“I know, we have him. Now we need to leave, can you ride?” You thought of the burning pain between your legs, your back was sore and burning, but you needed to leave this place. You nodded. You took one step towards the door and it was clear you weren’t going anywhere, Roan caught you before you could fall face first to the floor, at least you wouldn’t be going anywhere without help. Roan made no fuss of it when he scooped a hand behind your knees.

“What about the guards?” He unlatched the door somehow and walked into the hallway.

“They left before I arrived.” The short distance to outside got colder as you went along. Leaving the small abandoned building behind Roan made his way over to his horse tied to the tree. It was completely dark outside, night must have fallen hours ago. He helped you up first behind the saddle and mounted after you, taking the reins in one hand.

“It’s half an hour’s ride to camp if we keep a fast pace. Do you think you can hold out?” You nodded, really not wanting to stretch out the journey. “Hold on.” Roan said, turning the horse in the direction of the camp, immediately your hands wrapped around Roan as he spurred the horse into a canter.

 

When it was almost to the point of unbearable Roan pulled the horse into a trot and then into a walk. You looked up to find yourself standing in the middle of a camp. An envoy had arrived, standing patiently at the front and holding the reigns as Roan dismounted, he turned to you and helped you down from atop the horse. 

Roan carried you towards a tent, recognizing the guards stationed outside you guessed it was his. Your feet were freezing but in the warmth of the tent, they were already thawing. Roan’s tent was as big as his rooms back in the castle and somehow they had gotten a bed this far from the castle. Gently placing you down on the soft furs, you could almost fall asleep then and there. Roan called one of his guards as he placed his sword on a nearby table. “ _Lid in Abby kom Skaikru, Tel em op Jus Gona es ste kikken_.(Bring Abby of the Sky people, tell her the Blood Warrior is still alive).” Roan said to the guard, all mentions of sleep was forgotten when you sat up slowly bearing the pain.

“If Abby’s here then Clarke’s here, who else?”

“Lexa, Bellamy, Marcus and your favourite Echo.” He smirked, you fell back on to the bed with a groan. “I told her she could stay home but she wanted to help find you.”

“Because God forbid someone else kills me beside her.” You deadpan.

 

“I have some business to attend to.” Roan says about to leave.

“Roan.” He stops and turns. “Thank you.” He nods and leaves.

 

You are almost asleep when someone enters. You support yourself on your arm as Abby walks closer, you sit up completely as she comes to stand by the bedside. She gives you a hug and pulls away when you wince a little. She inspects your face, where you could remember one of the cuts being. Abby is quick to pack her things on the bed and start cleaning the wound on your forehead but you stop her. “That’s the least of our problems.” You turn slightly dropping the cloak from your shoulders and Abby immediately notices. She brings over the basin and dips in a cloth washing down your back. At the first contact of water, you draw in a breath through your teeth. Abby arranges the pillows for you. 

“Here, lie down on your stomach.” She instructed. Your back was burning by the time Abby was done cleaning the dirt off. She inspected the wounds.

“These look kind of like-“

“Someone took a toaster knife to my back?” You questioned, silence followed as she covered you back with an antiseptic cream and wrapped it in bandages.

“Is there anything else?” You looked at Abby and nodded.

 

 

They had taken his uncles boots and coat away from, made sure he had no weapons and then lead him outside into the snow.

“This is how you treat your family?” He was so fed up with his uncle, he could have asked them to remove the ropes but it wouldn’t feel as good. 

“Go.” Roan cocked his head to the snow stretch before them, he wouldn’t even make it fifty meters. 

“You will never be the ruler your mother was.”

“That’s the point.” Roan deadpanned. “If you're not running, they will cut you down.” His uncle looked over his shoulder at the two men on horses who Roan was referring too.

“Think about this Roan, I will die.” 

“Again, Uncle. That’s the point.” Roan walked away and at the first lash of the whip from the riders his uncle ran. He could hear the effort from his uncle and then barely twenty metres in the first cough arose. Roan turned he had to see his uncle choke on his own blood. He had to see nature at work as the air was too cold for he lungs. He wasn’t very far when he stumbled and a coughing spell overtook him, the riders stopped behind him and didn’t let up their whiplashes to his back until he was unmoving. They left him there.

 

Roan entered the tent and found you just pulling on one of Abby’s shirts with your back to him, he maybe should have asked before he entered but was too surprised about the markings on your back. He had seen the marking on your forehead before but now he knew who was behind this. You turned to face him and was surprised to find him there as you pulled on your pants and sat back on the bed. He was about to say something when Lexa walked in, Clarke on her heals. Clarke immediately rushed to hug you, “I thought you were dead.” 

“Me dead? Have you met me?” You joked as she pulled away. Lexa nodded in your direction but turned to Roan. 

“You humiliated me.”

“You almost killed the one person who could have given us information.” Realizing he wasn’t going to win this he finished with: “Sorry Commander it won’t happen again.” Lexa let it go even though she was still pissed. “You should get some rest.” Roan said to you and that was the queue for the others to leave. Roan didn’t stay long either. It was quickly becoming light outside and the camp was coming alive with people waking up to attend to their duties.

 

You eased yourself down on to the bed and deciding that it was too painful you rolled over on your stomach and slept.

 

For two days you had no idea what was going on in the camp as you only woke to eat, sometimes noticing Roan asleep on the couch when it was late at night. It was only when Abby came to change your bandages when you were fully awake, you bathed and then this time had to borrow some of Roan’s clothes because Abby didn’t bring enough and they were planning to head back tomorrow. 

“ _Yu! Nou step au_! (You! Don't move)” The yell came from outside as Abby helped you pull the white loose shirt over your head. 

“What’s happening out there?” You frowned at Abby who started cleaning up her supplies. 

“Last night they caught one of the men who had aided Roan’s uncle. He gave up some names and this morning Roan and Lexa’s men tracked them down.” Abby rolled up the old bandages to wash later. 

 

Abby heard something metal slide of the table and turned to see you push past the tent flaps. “(Y/n) no! You should be resting.” She came out after you watching as you walked towards the group of men surrounded by guards, knife in hand, not many noticed you as you circled the group scoping out faces.

“What is she doing?” Roan asked Bellamy breaking their conversation when he noticed you.

“I don’t know.” Roan strode forward and caught your wrist before you could get any closer to the bandits. You looked back at him a little surprised.

“What’s wrong?” He was about to tell you that you needed to go back to bed that he would make sure the men who did this suffered but something was off.

“I need to find someone.” Your eyes searched the crowd and he let the pause in the conversation linger.

“Then will find them, but for now you need to rest or you won’t get very far.” He gently took the knife from your grip and you nodded. Abby came out the tent “(y/n).” Hands on her hips she frowned displeasingly at you. You strode back to her, you were feeling so tired and your bare feet were burning in the snow. Abby slung an arm around your shoulder and lead you inside then left you to rest.

 

 

_Your vision was completely limited to the floor and the fire as they rolled you over on your stomach and pressed their knees into your shoulders. You could see his boots as he strode to the fire that had for once lit in the cold room and of course it wasn’t to keep you warm. At least not in the way you wanted._

_“I don’t like skaikru. But you are different Jus Gona. I watched you, you're like us but The Bull, he doesn’t see you the same way I do.” Roan’s uncle, the vague thought registered with you as he dipped the knife into the fire to warm up. You remember the bulls carved into his temples. The ones above you tore at your shirt, it ripped open at the back. You were distinctly aware of the red-hot blade he pulled out the fire and brandished as if it was a toy._

_“Don’t worry Jus Gona, I’ll give you scars worthy of your title.” You couldn’t see him as he crouched down at your side on one knee. You waited, breathing heavily as you anticipated what was to come until finally, you felt the burn on your back. You held your scream back until it got unbearable as he traced it along your spine. You screamed then._

 

You sat up in bed, the skin on your back stretching uncomfortably tight. “(Y/n)?” Marcus stepped into the tent, he had been growing a beard since you last saw him. He walked over to the bed and placed a pile of clothes he had onto the bed.

“Roan sent someone to fetch you these.” Marcus said, your boots stood neatly atop the pile.

“Thank goodness. Roan’s shirts are a little big.” 

“You think?” Marcus questioned ironically. “I came to tell you Abby and I are leaving. We’ll be back in a few days when we’ve sorted out all this.” You paused at his words.

“You think I’m coming back to Arkadia?” You questioned.

“Clarke made the wrong decision sending you here. She knows that.”

“Why would I want to go back?”

“It’s safer.”

“Bullshit.”

“(Y/n).” Marcus warned.

“If I go back I’ll be feared, I’ll be sidelined. When I’m here I’m so much more. People aren’t afraid of me, they think I’m weak but they also think I’m strong. Here I fit in.” You explained.

“Let’s talk about it when Abby and I return. Bellamy and Clarke will be staying. Lexa is also returning to Polis.” Marcus said before he stood, giving you one last smile before he left.

You laid out an outfit on the bed and put the rest on the table, you would move into Clarke’s tent later, you couldn’t keep Roan from a decent night’s rest any longer. You pulled Roan shirt off and placed it next to your pile of clothes neatly folded, then rummaged through your own pile of clothes for clean underwear and found some just as you were turning you caught your back in the mirror and paused turning fully and glancing over your shoulder to see the patterns on your back. Though still red and inflamed with ugly scabs covering wounds. You pulled the shirt over your head and changed pants. Pulling on thick socks you slipped into your boots. The only thing that was missing was a weapon but soon enough you would fix that.

 

Clarke was about to lecture you for riding all the way from camp to the village with one guard, to hear you had just made multiple wrong decisions but you dodged her before she could reach you and scoped the streets flooded with guards, a few more had been arrested. Surprised you recognised a face of one of the men tied up, his eyes travelled to you and he immediately spat on the ground, you ignored him, he wasn’t who you were looking for. 

Someone grasped your wrist and you were about to snap at Roan when you found Echo, her glare as unsettling as ever. “You’re unarmed.” She gritted out and before you could even narrow your eyes at her gesture, however rude she tried to present it, she stuffed the hilt of a knife into your hands. “Who are we looking for?”

“Why are you-“

“Don’t even.” She warned.

“His well built-“

“Water is wet.”

“With blond hair, shaved short back and sides.” Echo lead you through the crowd. “Scarification all over his body.” She stopped and turned to you. “What?” 

 

“Don’t do anything stupid.” She grasped your shoulders and turned you in a different direction. You immediately recognised him, as you stepped forward Echo kept a tight grasp on your elbow to keep you from moving off any further. 

“Let go.” You warned her.

“That is the most reprised man in Azgeda are you sure you want to do this. You’re not strong enough to face him.” You hooked your foot between Echo’s leg’s and tipped her off balance with a quick shove, sweeping your foot out from under her. She hit the ground hard attracting the attention of people behind her. As you turned he noticed and ran. You sprinted off after him. 

“ _Mafta emo op_! (Follow them)” Echo barked behind you. 

Dodging through alleyway’s and around any obstacle, he ran even when there was no more village only trees. His stature wasn’t helping his speed but something in his movements were purposeful which you realised too late as he stopped, you weren’t far behind as you slowed down. He turned to you, a frozen stream behind him.

“You're looking for this, aren’t you?” He folded back his cloak to reveal your sword at his hip. You were frozen in place, he was a lot bigger than you remember. You were already out of breath, your fitness gone and your muscle tone even worse off. “You know one thing that I never really achieved was making you beg. Even when I carved into your back until you screamed.” He paused and you breathing hitched as you waited in anticipation at his next words, frozen to the spot in fear and anger. “Even as I raped you.”

You lunged forward, grabbing the knife in your boot but he saw it coming and slammed you into the forest floor, wrestling the knife from your hands. He was quick to roll you over and straddle your back, you squirmed underneath him, breathing quickening. You couldn’t move. He flipped the knife in his hand and grabbed your shirt, cutting through the fabric with ease. “It still looks good. You’ll remember I did this, won’t you?” He asked fingers tracing the angry red marks on your back, you shivered, clawing at the ground desperately.

“How long do you think we have before they arrive? We’ve never tried this position before, last time I made you look at me.” He said taunting you, you closed your eyes and took in a shuddering breath as he grabbed onto your waistband. Using every ounce of strength you could manage you lifted your lower body up into the air and wrapped your feet around his neck pulling down hard then scrambled out from underneath. He’s quick on you heals grasping you by your shirt once more. You swung your elbow back and caught him off guard, he wasn’t expecting you to fight back. He stumbles as you internally scream at your body to move but it doesn’t, even as he wipes the blood away from his nose and gives you an angry look. Your body only obeys your command when he jumps forward but you stand fast and throw him off by twisting out his grip, his feet slide on the frozen stream and his grip on your clothes pulls you down with him. Your fall is much less harsh than his, you scrambled for the knife sliding across the ice but her wraps a hand around first, and plunges it down at you when he manages to twist you around. You wrap your arms around his neck and bring his head down over your shoulder by putting your whole body into it. The hit is so loud beside your ear, you wince at how it must feel. You think he’s recovering so you sit up and throw him off to grab his head a knock it against the ice one more, the ice cracks or his skull, they both sound similar. His eyes roll back into his head as blood seeps onto the ice and melts the water. 

You hear footsteps behind you as you stand, sliding on the ice and almost losing your balance, you pluck your sword from his side, then retrieve the knife Echo gave you wiping it on his clothes. The fear doesn’t fade, it increases and it scares you even more.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You think he’s recovering so you sit up and throw him off to grab his head a knock it against the ice one more, the ice cracks or his skull, they both sound similar. His eyes roll back into his head as blood seeps onto the ice and melts the water. 
> 
> You hear footsteps behind you as you stand, sliding on the ice and almost losing your balance, you pluck your sword from his side, then retrieve the knife Echo gave you wiping it on his clothes. The fear doesn’t fade, it increases and it scares you even more.

You didn’t realise that you had been stabbed until you the warm blood ran down your thighs and staining your pants. It became irritating when it was getting hard to walk. Clarke found you not much further and turned into the Mom-friend™. As soon as you got back to camp Clarke ushered you into her tent, Bellamy behind. He froze when Clarke asked you to take off your pants but stayed when you brushed it off, after all, you had caught Bellamy in his full glory when you first came down from the Ark. Clark stitches the wound fairly quickly considering she’s lecturing you at the same time which seems to be her obvious talent. You realise as she ranting on about how you shouldn’t just kill people it finally strikes a nerve. You swallow as Clarke pauses to examine her work, Your throat is so dry you can’t even utter the words that you didn’t just kill anyone. Clarke stands as you pull up your layers of pants almost on autopilot. You recognise that fear again and although it’s been sitting on your chest ever since he did what he did, it only increases. 

“We’re leaving for Arkadia the day after tomorrow, you should pack your things.”

“No.” You respond, swallowing again and trying desperately to focus on something else.

“(Y/n) this isn’t a choice. You are not safe here clearly.” You push against the fear that gains a foothold for a second.

“I can take care of myself.”

“Clearly.” Bellamy comments.

“Out.” You bark, something about your tone and how you gritted it out through your teeth makes both leave even if Clarke tries to show her point by rolling her eyes.

 

The anger rolls off you in waves just as Roan enters the tent.

“I am not listening to another lecture.” Roan stands at the entrance and regards you passively as you turn to seethe. “What does she know anyway. No one told them anything.” Roan doesn’t move or say anything.

It’s too late when you realise how constricted your chest feels and in an instant, the anger is replaced with the fear from before. Clearly Roan noticed the fear because he was in front of you within seconds, steadying your shoulders. 

“I’m supposed to feel safe now. I killed him. I don’t- I can’t-“

“Just breath. Your fine, he’s dead. You killed him, no one else. He wasn’t just anyone.” Somehow that helped you enough to calm down, to ground you though you were still upset.

“I almost didn’t, he almost did it again.”

“Did what?” You pushed past him, not caring about anyone as you ran out the tent.

The camp was still insight when you stopped running.

 

 

Roan followed you out determined to get an answer out of you when a hand on his elbow stopped him. It was Echo who told him to let her go, he brushed her off angry and watched for a moment as you came to a stop not too far from camp.

“What ulterior motive did you have this time?” He turned to the spy, she stared back confused.

“What are you talking about?”

“You helped her, didn’t you? Since when do you help other let alone (y/n).” The hurt in her eyes was clear but it was quickly followed by that white-hot rage she possessed.

“Because I know what happened to her.”

“And how could you possibly know?” He questioned clearly remembering the times when his mother treated the girl like royalty while he had been banished.

“Because I’ve been through it.” Echo shot out through gritted teeth, turning tail and stomping away. The realisation dawned on him. Echo was fourteen when she was raped, he remembered the whole ordeal as if it was yesterday and even though his mother liked Echo much more than she did her eldest sun it was swept under the carpet. His mother had little sympathy for the plights of others and executing one of her councillors just because of the complaints of a girl whose job was lying to people’s faces was not an effort that his mother would have made for anyone. Roan felt guilty for what he had said. 

 

Before, Roan had come to you after hearing what had happened he wanted to know why you had so blatantly attacked Nire, the man he had recently employed since he had information on your captors. He knew that Nire must have been involved somehow but now he only felt sick for putting his trust in a man that had raped you. 

 

Even more than that he felt guilty for breaking the promise he had made to Lexa. He had given you too much slack thinking you could take care of yourself which you were fully capable of as you had shown today but it wasn’t about your strengths, it was about how little he should have trusted others. 

 

 

The next day everything is packed when the sun is barely up and you purposefully avoid anyone you know but you knew it wouldn’t last long as you saddle up your horse. 

“(Y/n)? We need to talk.” Clarke says.

“What’s there to talk about?” You keep your eyes trained on the saddle as you fix the stirrup leathers to the right length.

“Bellamy shouldn’t have said what he said.”

“Then why isn’t he saying this.” The silence that follows makes you turn to them, sure enough, Clarke is standing there and Bellamy is standing beside her. “I’m not interested in second-hand apologies, Clarke. You believed what he said anyway.” You turn back and sling the saddlebags over the horse’s back, starting to fasten those.

“Of course I don’t-“

“Stop.” You snap and turn back around. “Stop it, Clarke, I’m not your lackey anymore. You lost me the day you sent me to Azgeda when I told you I didn’t want too.”

“And now I’m asking you to come home with us.” 

“As if this never happened?” You pointed at your temple where you knew the brand was scaring. “Have you seen my back? This isn’t just something I can forget. But talk all you want.” You mounted up, taking the reins in one hand. “I still have some business to finish.” You squeezed your legs and the horse fell into a steady trot. You were looking forward to a room with doors which you could lock or bard or something just to get everyone out of your hair and just as you had this thought your favourite person in the world showed up.

“Can I have peace for two fucking seconds.” Echo’s horse easily kept up the pace of yours. “Listen I’m sorry I threw you on your ass.” You rushed the apology hoping the conversation will be over soon. She glared at you for a second, “What do you want the knife back?” You dug the knife from out of your boot and twirled it between your fingers until you outstretched the hilt to Echo.

“Keep it.” She bushes it back towards you and you glower at her with the same suspicion that you used the day before when she had helped you find _him. “_ No, I don’t have _ulterior_ motives.” She snaps at you sharply.

You raise a hand in surrender, “Okay, just checking.” There’s a long pause. “So why did you-“

“You need to talk to someone about what happened.” Echo interrupts you just before she spurs her horse forward who transitions elegantly into a canter to catch up with the front.

 

* * *

 

The Sontam Palace or the Summer Palace was much closer to the border than the one you had stayed in when you first came to Azgeda which meant you wouldn’t have to ride three days before finally reaching your destination. Apparently, the tradition was that in the last week of winter all the nobles and the King with his guards save for a  few nobles who stayed in the winter palace. Immediately after learning this information, you realised just how long you had been gone, it’s not like you had someone telling you what day it was and your food had come at such irregular intervals that it was hard to determine anything. 

 

When you finally reached your destination the sun had just settled beyond the horizon casting everything in darkness through the sky was lit. Someone took your horse from you and you were glad the journey was finally over. Though sitting on horseback had been agonising just a few days ago it was now only uncomfortable, but you could definitely feel the long hours you had just spent in the saddle beginning to make everything sore. A bath would be heavenly right now. You walked into the castle in search of a servant, most of the party still busy in the courtyard. The castle was by no means any less quiet than the previous castle, in fact, it was busier than before and you quickly found yourself catching the attention of a lot of people. It was unnerving at first and then you realised what they were staring at. Of course, rumours of your disappearance had spread, when suddenly the most interesting -and not necessarily most liked- person disappeared then pretty soon they would notice. And now that person shows up with Azgedan scarification, that’s a bit fishy. The worst was as you’ve discovered over the past few days that most Azgedan temple scars were in-fact symmetrically done on both temples but yours only covered the one side of your temple. Like that would go unnoticed. You guessed the temple scars were perfectly planned by _him_ , your left temple was covered in three stars and two symbols carved beneath it, it clearly had some meaning and now that you were back at the castle you could figure it out without having to ask anyone. After all, all castles had libraries. The only problem was that it was in a language you had only started to grip less than three months ago. Actually, the problem wasn’t with it being in a recently learned language.

 

Finally, after agonisingly long stares you found the servant, who looked like she wanted to shrink into the wall when you called out to her. “Jus gona.” She bowed, which no one had ever done but you guessed she was scared shitless that she thought maybe you would take mercy on her if she showed you some form of respect.

“ _Weron ai wogeda_? (Where’s my room)” 

“ _Mafta ai op_ (Follow me).” She answered as you fell into step behind her. Still feeling the burning of everyone’s gaze.

It was when you reached a particular hallway filled with lots of people waiting to go into the dining hall that you decided to end it. The conversation had already quieted to whispers when they had spotted you.

“What?” You barked fearlessly into the room, appearing angrier than you actually were but you had to keep up some appearance. Some were slightly startled and even the servant that lead you seemed afraid as she stopped along with you. The room fell into a quick silence and then suddenly everyone turned away, well mostly all. The servant didn’t even want to meet your gaze as she lead you through the crowd and up some steps. She waited outside your rooms and kept her gaze on the floor as you pushed the doors open and just as she was about to leave you called to her again.

“Please send, Izabel.” You said the servant nodded dutifully even though you spoke in English and scurried off as you closed the doors. 

 

These chambers were larger than your previous ones if that was even possible. There were no windows this time but bookshelves along the wall adorned with not only books but also ornaments. The bed was still covered in furs because of course, it was cold even in summer in Azgeda. You immediately went straight for the chest which you hoped contained some of your belongings. You found some clothes, your armour which made you sighed with some relief but it was as your hand touched something cold at the bottom of the chest that you finally let out the breath you’ve been holding. You fingers curled around the long chain and you pulled it free, examining the rusted dog tags. You had brought the dog tags with you when you first came, never really thinking about it and had taken it off before your battle before you were… taken. You had feared this whole time that it might have been lost when you heard that all your things had been shifted to the new location. Your fingers brushed over the letters dented into it as you pulled it over your head. 

 

The door swung open not long after with servants carrying water to fill the bath and in stepped Izabel. You could almost kiss her, your muscles were sore after the long day and you really wanted to just relax in the bath.

“You’re a tough bitch.” Izabel said as the servants left, the English sounding a little broken with her strong Azgedan accent. You laughed at that the sound surprising you both. You couldn’t tell if it was because you actually found it funny or if you were just so relieved to be somewhere familiar and at least more predictable. “ _Ai na lid dina in_. (I will bring some food)” She left a pleasant smile on your face. You tugged your layers off when the doors closed behind you and unwrapped the bandages before climbing into the bath. You had washed your hair and your body and was just soaking when Izabel placed the food on the table and told you to enjoy. You finally climbed out and dried yourself off then picked out fewer layers to wear to bed. You let the wounds on your back breath in the light shirt, not re-bandaging to aid in the healing process.

 

It was just as you were trying to make sense of some of the titles on the shelves that there was a knock at the door. Which was strange because you hadn’t really known Azgeda’s for knocking. You called for them to enter as you replaced a book on the shelf.  Clarke and Bellamy stepped into the room.

“Really?” You deadpanned, Clarke had some nerve.

“It’s not what you think.” 

“We can’t find Roan and the servants won’t stop for a second to listen. The one that we did manage to track down said our rooms weren’t prepared yet.”

“How’d you know where my room was.”

“The guards outside saw how lost we were as we stumbled around and asked if we were looking for you.” Bellamy answered. The prospect of finding a servant now was almost daunting, it was getting late and most servants would have retired right now.

“Close the door.” You sighed. They didn’t hesitate when you grabbed some of the many pillows and fur blankets off the bed and dumped it on to the couch. You’d take the couch for one night, that was fine. They’ve shared a bed before. You gestured to the canopy behind you. 

“No, I’ll take the couch.” Bellamy denied immediately. “It’s facing the door better.” Always the strategist you nodded, not quite happy with your predicament but you supposed you had to work things out before they left. Clarke will listen to you better anyway if she believes you’re not making decisions out of anger towards her.

“Have you eaten?” Both were still standing awkwardly in the middle of the chamber. They nodded, clearly the had joined the main dining in the hall. “Well I don’t have anything for you to sleep in Bellamy but Clarke you can just pick whatever you want.” You offered as you went back to examining the titles. The two seemed to relax finally as you went on with your business. Clarke found something in your chest and stepped behind the small screen placed in the corner of the room as Bellamy undressed some of his own layers. 

 

You gave up when your headache was starting to form and you hadn’t gotten much further from where you started. You turned around and watched Bellamy settle a gun on the table, he was only dressed in his underwear and a shirt, you opened another chest against the wall and pulled out extra fur blankets and dropped two on the bed and one by the foot of the couch. It was going to get a lot colder tonight. Bellamy, paranoid as ever lied down on the couch and stuck the gun under his pillow. He wasn’t actually allowed to bring guns but he was almost as stubborn as Clarke. She also settled on the bed after opening the covers, clearly, they were exhausted. You blew out most of the candles around the room until only those on the bedside table was left and then settled under covers. 

“We can’t go to sleep like this.” Clarke said frustrated after trying to fall asleep for a minute. You left the candle on you were about to blow out. “I’m sorry for what I said to you. I’m just worried you're acting out of anger towards me.”

“I am angry at you but that’s not why I made my decision.”

“I’m sorry I sent you here, I should’ve-“ Clarke paused for a second and you looked over at her but she had her head turned away. “I wished I didn’t.”

“That’s not why I’m angry at you Clarke.” Sure you had used it as a defence but you had just been so worked up.

“Then why else?” She questioned finally looking at you.

“It’s not even your fault, but I’m not ready to talk about it.” The disapproving look on Clarke’s face was clear but she didn’t say anything. “I’m not angry at you either, asshole.” You through one of the pillows at Bellamy, who only hummed from the couch, already half gone. Clarke was still giving you the worried look when you were done chuckling. “It doesn’t mean I will never tell you, just not right now.” You couldn’t help when your voice went noticeably softer and your throat tightened but you turned away and blew out the candle settling in bed and focusing on your breathing. 

 

When the servant came in the next morning you heard the gun cock and sat up immediately, and dove down the bed to wrestle the gun out Bellamy’s hand. Izabel stood shocked in the doorway. 

“Close the door.” You hissed at her as you dissembled Bellamy’s gun in seconds. Still shocked she did as you were told.

“ _Em nou gada daunde_. (He can’t have that)”

“I know, I promise he means no harm and they’re leaving soon. Please tell no one.” You begged. She left grumbling something about Skaikru and how you owed her. You smacked Bellamy upside the head as he was still trying to assemble his gun. Clarke groaned from her place on the bed and covered her head with the furs. It was still pretty early and you really needed to find these two a room and get through all these books. So you dressed quickly as Bellamy too pulled on his clothes and tried to wake up Clarke. 

“Don’t leave. Izabel will bring breakfast, and for god’s sake put that thing away.”

“How else am I supposed to defend myself?” Bellamy questioned as you reached into your boot and without warning chucked the knife his way. It lodged itself in the bedpost and you smirked as Bellamy stood frozen for a moment, Clarke also sat up, thoroughly awake now. “What the-“

“Thank me later.” You threw over your shoulder as you left. 

 

You noticed as the doors closed behind you the guards didn’t stay put the followed you. First a little unnerved by their action you swung around hand on the hilt of your sword and the guards tensed. 

“ _Haihefa don sen osir_ (The King sent us)” One of them immediately said. Relieved you relaxed and nodded. Since Izabel was busy, you had to find some other servant which shouldn’t be too hard, it was after all early morning but it meant you had to take the servant stairs which your guards had directed you to.

 

“ _Teik yo ogud wogeda gon Wanheda en Belomi kom Skaikru, beja_. (Please prepare a room for Wanheda and Bellamy of Skaikru)” You said as you caught the male servants attention. He nodded and left. 

As you came out into the main hallway again you were about to just return to your room when you heard a deep below. You turned vaguely recognising that voice when you had barely enough time to register it was Oren until he swept you into a bone-crushing hug. He didn’t seem to notice that you were out of breath and clearly in pain from his overly excited embrace.

“I really thought you were lost forever.” He said with a huge smile.

“Thanks for the confidence you wheezed.”

“How have you been?” He bumped his fist with your shoulder, luckily he was much less gentle but you gave him a glare. “Oh right. Well, I’ve been good, I made sure your rooms were set up, do you like them? Further, I had to make sure there was a smooth move from the Wintam to the Sontam palace.” He rambled barely giving you time to answer his question.

“Did you even miss me?” You frowned at him

“Of course, Jus Gona. Who else gave me such headaches.” It was sarcastic and you cracked a smile at that. It had never really ben Oren’s style to be sarcastic. “Anyway talk to you later.” He scurried off as much as a man of his stature can scurry.

 

“ _Weron yu’s gon_ , _Bandrona?_ (Where to, Ambassador)” The guard questioned.

“Back to my chambers.” You stated and started heading in that direction.

 

When you came back to your rooms you found Bellamy and Clarke eating their breakfast both dressed and ready for the day. You settled in the other chair and dug into your own food.

“Someone will come and fetch you when your rooms are ready. When are Abby and Marcus arriving? Do they know we're here?”

“They’re probably on their way being escorted by Ice Nation scout.” Bellamy answered.

“You can ask the servants to run you a bath if you want, don’t trust anyone.” 

“We need to go and find Roan first.” Clarke says as the both of them had finished eating, she was dressed in a fresh pair of your clothes, it didn’t matter much to you but you noticed she was wearing her layers wrong. Luckily she wouldn’t be daring much of the cold outside today so you left it.

 

When you were finally alone and had finished you went back to studying the titles, picking up where you left off with renewed energy. You found nothing to that could indicate anything about the symbol on your forehead, most of it was autobiographies and history books and some old story books. It was time to try the library, you left your room again and asked your guards to lead you to the library which they did dutifully though a little surprised at the strange request. Your headache was back as soon as you stepped into the library though. It was huge and you didn’t know how you were going to find anything in the place even with the shelves being labelled as they were. 

You must have been two hours into your searches your guards keeping a respectful distance when the doors swung open and you three weren’t the only ones occupying the room. By the guards sweeping into a bow at the end of the shelves, you knew who it was. Roan soon stepped past them, dismissing them with a wave of his hand, as you slid the book back in it’s place making a mental note where you were. “Wasn’t expecting to find you here.”

“Never my first choice either.” You shrugged. “Whats up?” He frowned at you for a moment and confusedly was about to say something. “I mean, what are you doing here? What do you want?” You stopped him before he could answer.

“You didn’t think I’d let you off on your duties as ambassador that easily did I?”

“Shit, is it wednesday?” He nodded. 

“You Skaikru have some weird phrases.” He commented as you followed him out the library.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is a real slow burn but we're getting there. I hope. I should also let you know I don't outline or plan my stories in any way which is exactly why I post so irregularly and why there might be contradictory stuff in the story.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long overdue. Sorry! I mostly have the chapters planned in my head but I had a hard time writing this one, I got stuck at a bunch of places and I think I re-wrote it maybe ten times. Enjoy! I promise some fluff is coming!

You weren't completely oblivious to the rumours spread about you, you might have not exactly been fluent in Azgeda but you certainly weren't that thick. The different stories were completely ridiculous and far from the truth. Some said you ran off with some unknown Azgedan warrior to elope, others seemed to be convinced that after a dispute with the Haihefa you fled the castle and brought reinforcements to throw a royal temper tantrum on Azgedan soil. The rumours about the former Azgedan castle residence who once had lavish rooms but were now occupying the dungeon. No connections were being made by those to stories that happened during the same time. The story you hated the most was that in a lust for blood you gave chase after some of the Azgedan subjects to cut out their hearts and eat them to take their power. Oh please, as if you would go for the hart, the connective tissue would make it impossible to chew through, you really would stew some brains if you really were to go cannibalistic. Izobel didn't share your humour since she seemed to think you were being completely serious.

Petty rumours were the last of your problems. Though you had confined yourself mostly to your room, almost everytime you walked outside someone had spit at your feet. It this rate the muddy boots might be clean by the end of the weak but you really weren't getting tired of dodging incoming enemy fire. The reason for this behaviour turned out to be that most Azgedan's loved the fucking rapist you had killed. You were unable to find any previous accounts this guy, Nire, had taken part in but with his position, it must've been easily overlooked. It turns out when you carve the clan markings into the late queen's forehead you are considered to be god-sent or something. Nire was considered a sort of priest who only performed his ritual scarring on those he had envisioned into a position. Unlike normally you don't choose what is burned or cut into your skin as it is a prophecy of sorts. You wouldn't feel guilty about putting the self-righteous prick in the ground.

None of the rumours or backlash prepared you for the scrutiny you were submitted to as soon as you stepped into the meeting room with Roan. If you weren't liked before you were now most definitely the most hated person in the entire world. It made you wonder if they also believed these ridiculous rumours and that just made you angry because it was people like them that did this to you. You only knew how to deal with it all in one way and telling a bunch of important, dangerous people that hate you to fuck off is not a good strategy. You weren't any less angry about it.

“The festivities were a success as you must have heard, furthermore there was mostly the usual, Haihefa.” One of the more composed councillors started the meeting, referring to the fact that there were probably mostly screaming matches without any much progress since you and Roan last attended. That was fine but what were the screaming matches about? You could be sure it was about Roan’s absence and your disappearance.

“Do we have any problems in the villages?”

“None that can’t be sorted locally. But there is one thing needed to be addressed.” The elderly woman, Aleksondria, paused and you could physically see Roan stiffen when she spoke up. “We need to discuss the prisoners and how they will be punished.” You didn't know if you should be relieved that they knew the truth or extremely worried.

“That’s a matter I leave in your hands, Jus Gona.” Roan's gaze briefly connected with yoursIt surprised you a little as Roan brushed the subject to you, you weren’t exactly expecting to get much revenge unless you took in your own hands, which you weren’t planning to attempt any further. Nire was really your only victim.

“You want a Skaikru gada (girl) to decide the fate of Azgedan Warriors and noblemen's sons? Especially after she killed a very important nobleman.” One of the Generals piped up. You couldn't figure out if they knew the intimate details of your reasoning.

“Tell me, General, were you kidnapped?”

“No, but-“

“We’re you tortured? Did you do anything to protect our guest? To find her?” You felt awkward, wanting to sink down into the floor as Roan’s anger towards his subject became apparent. You really didn’t want to talk about this but refused the urge to look down as some switched their gaze over to your face waiting for an answer. The general stayed silent.

"She’s clearly not Skaikru anymore, she’s marked.” Another councilman said, your gaze swept over to them and waited for someone to protest, there was an uproar but was quickly silenced when the elderly woman, who had proposed this topic, spoke.

"I'm sitting right here." You reminded, you really didn't need to be bullied down, but no one seemed to respond much to this statement

“They’re right. Haihefa, the law is still that anyone belonging to our clan is marked by either cutting or burning the temples and sometimes the back. If that person was to desert their clan for another the act would be considered treason. And the price of treason is death.”

"Is that a threat?" You questioned.

"Depends how much trouble you keep on causing us ." He retorted not backing down when you confronted him. Roan stopped you before you rose to your feet, prepared to start your own scream filled meeting, an accomplishment you have yet t tick of your bucket-list.

Hesitantly you settled back and gave over to Roan to defuse the tense situation. “A law that my mother instated. We can remove this law.” Roan argued.

“Only with the vote of this council.” The elderly women countered.  

“We can’t throw away that law, what if Azgedan’s desert and spread our information to our enemies.” Some nodded as the statement was proposed.

“If we keep the law, it means Jus Gona’s powers belong to Azgeda, how can we give this power up to other clans?” More nods, you felt nauseous, your gaze instantly meeting Roans. His jaw clenched as his eyes quickly met with yours.

"Suddenly I'm very relevant and accepted without a second thought? I'm not some weapon who you can use."

"Believe us Jus Gona, we're not completely satisfied with our options either but if we're to disregard every law to satisfy our desires, Azgeda would be in chaos." Even if you didn't know this woman that stung more than you cared to admit. “Shall we vote?” The elderly women proposed, everyone nodded. “Those in favour of abandoning this law?” Roan and few other's raised their hands. It was lost. “Well, then the law stays.”

“Dismissed.” Roan called immediately.

“But we haven’t resolved the matter of the prisoners.” The woman protested.

“If Jus Gona is Azgeda then she can make the decision for her clan.” It was final.

 

“What the fuck?” You stood when everyone was out the room. Roan stayed silent as he watched you. “How the fuck is it law if someone else did this to me? This wasn’t my choice.” You pointed to the scars on your forehead.

“That’s the problem, it wasn’t just anyone. Nire was Azgeda’s most prized Scarificator, he did mine, he did my mother’s when he was fourteen. People believed he’s been blessed by a higher power to deliver them their fate through marks, they believe he gives the individual power.” It didn’t exactly help. “Look this isn’t ideal-“

“The understatement of the fucking year.”

“-but it won’t help if you’re angry, it won’t change it. We need to think of something else.”

“Of course I’m going to angry, Roan, I’ve been fucked around ever since I came here!” You yelled angrily, your jaw ached from clenching it so hard and your face felt immeasurably hot. Roan sat silent for a moment, then stood without meeting your eyes.

“I’m sorry.” He left.

Your guards kept a hallway behind you as you stormed back to your own room and slammed the door shut behind you. Furiously you pulled your top layers off, and threw your sword onto the floor somewhere not caring what damage you caused. Still feeling hot even in just a long sleeved shirt and your pants you pulled your shirt over your head and threw it onto the ground, it was unsatisfying because it couldn’t break. You turned looking for something that would be your next victim your eyes snagged in the mirror. You were crying, your cheeks were wet. The anger disappeared but the frustration stayed as you wiped at your cheeks trying to hold onto that anger. The scar on your temple distracted you enough to let the feeling settle in the back of your head as you examined the still foreign site. It wasn’t sensitive to touch anymore, the redness had died down a little and it almost looks normal now except for the fact that it was fucking there. You turned your back to the mirror and glanced over your shoulder. It was still a little sore in the mornings especially, angry and red, some of it had scabbed over. Despite the fact that it was burn wounds a knife was used to cut into your back which stemmed the bleeding but meant that the healing time would be longer especially because you had to sleep on your back. The anger roared up in you again when you winced at your own cold fingers. Before you knew it you were standing with your fist through a mirror and blood gushing from your knuckles.

 

You were rudely awakened by a door slamming shut and you immediately sat up, hand grasping for a knife a weapon but nothing was there. Your heartbeat in your ears as you froze and tried to make sense of your surroundings.

“We can’t just do nothing, Roan.” Clarke snapped. You tried to calm down your heart and tucked your left hand beneath the blanket.

"I can’t do anything unless you want to make a fugitive out of (y/n)” Roan argued back, Clarke scoffed and turned away as you caught on. Roan and your eyes met. Clarke had somehow found out the news, your muscles tensed again in that sickening way that left you uncomfortable.

“What if we went to Lexa? Surely she can overrule them all.”

“You’re talking about asking the commander, who Azgeda already hate, to take something away from them which wouldn’t be the first time. This would not only destabilise the alliance but my people will be looking to me to take action. To choose between my clan and the alliance. No one's safety can be assured then.” Roan explained, Clarke paused for a long time.

“Then I don’t know. I don’t know what to do.” Clarke confessed slightly horrified.

“Clarke, when your mother gets here tomorrow, you need to leave. The fact that you're here is already causing trouble.” Roan left then.

You could see the emotions on Clarke’s face and before she collapsed you were at her side pulling her into a hug.

“I-I just got you back. I don’t want to lose you again.” Clarke said voice thick with tears, you shushed her as she wrapped her arms around you and dug her nose into your neck. Surprised at your own composure you rubbed at Clarke’s back and rocked back and forth. When Clarke’s sobbing had stopped she pulled away.

“Please, can I stay here tonight?” She asked, relief washed over you. With your recent squabbles, you really didn’t want the only friend you’ve ever had to leave you and remember only that side of. It was already night time, you had slept the whole day away without realising a thing. You nodded and helped Clarke stand. None of you had the energy put on any other clothes, you simply climbed into bed, leaving the candles still burning that someone had lighted. Clarke shifted closer her fingers inter-twinning with yours as she faced you, your wince made her sit up suddenly. Her confused look travelled from your face down to your fingers. You hadn’t bothered to wrap it, you only had enough energy at the time to throw away the shards of mirror and rinse your hand.

“Let’s not talk about it tonight?” You asked, she nodded as her confusion faded away. She lied back down.

Turns out, day-long naps were very detrimental to your normal sleeping pattern as you find yourself still awake even when you hear Clarke’s breathing even out. With only your rambling thoughts keeping you company you fell asleep in the early hours of the morning when the sky had just started to lighten outside.

 

You woke up to full sunshine and an empty bed.

With just enough time to pull on a layer, you rushed to the courtyard. You really were planning on telling Abby and Marcus yourself but when you reached your destination Bellamy and Clarke had beat you to it, it seemed. You slowed your pace when you were only feet away. Marcus pulled you immediately in for a hug, too stunned for a moment you just froze. Since adopting you, he had never ever really been big on the physical contact.

"We need to get you out of here somehow.” He whispered, you pushed him away and quickly glanced around.

“I can’t.” You said strictly, disappointed. “You need to leave, it’s not safe.” You said lowly.

"This has escalated too far, what gives them the right to make decisions like this." Abby protested.

"Keep your voice down. If we were to insist that I am Skaikru, they could execute me for murdering one of their own." You let that sink in for a moment.

"Roan won't let them." Clarke insisted.

"Roan can't protect me from everything, Clarke." You stated harshly. You took a deep breath again as Clarke's naivety played on your nerves. "It's better if you leave, quietly. I will figure this out."

"We can't just leave you here, it's not safe." Abby wasn't going to give up soon.

"Okay, you are all officially going right now." Sure Abby didn't really think about the poor choice of words.

"Let's go." Bellamy urged, you silently thanked him. Clarke wrapped you in one last hug. You didn't stay to watch them go.

 

Roan had given you the space you needed to adjust but as much as you were also supposed to accept this, he couldn’t quite either. You were right to have snapped at him, to be angry which you hadn’t been since what happened. But it wasn’t enough. He couldn’t eat, he couldn’t sleep because you were clearly not angry at him enough. Instead, he spent the morning since the Skaikru guests left coincidentally catching you in the training yard with a sword and one of the dummies. He could see it that anger that you so easily summoned from before was back but it was so much rawer and ragging more than channelled. He didn’t know how long you’d been at it but with one final swoop of your sword and what he could see was clear anger on your face, the dummy splintered under your sword and not much was left standing. As if shaken from the trance you were in, you stepped back and noticed everyone in the courtyard was looking at you and left. He turned away from the window.

He kept switching between the mindset of planning a way for you to get out of this and accepting that he should accept he couldn’t change a thing if he didn’t want a war that meant he would even accept it if you hated him. It didn’t hurt any less. This entire thing was his fault, he wanted to try and create a relationship with Skaikru which ended you up here and because of his negligence even that wouldn’t be fulfilled now.

He wondered briefly what his mother would do if she was in his position. She would most likely execute any elected official who dared use the law against her but she would also execute you because you killed the man who had been the creator of her own scars no matter what he had done and her interest was never in keeping the peace with the other clans. The answer to the ridiculous question wasn’t helpful but it also was. He curses himself for stepping into the shoes of the very person who hated him and realised he was nothing like his mother. He knew exactly what he had to do.

 

Still frustrated and angry, you knew you had to apologise for how you snapped at Roan at some point but right now that wasn't high on your to-do list. Instead, you marinated in your feelings and hoped that everyone would know that you've been sitting in them for too long and just leave you alone. Especially Aleksondria.

Whats worse was that you still had to decide what to do with the prisoners and everyone would be watching and waiting for you to make all the wrong decisions. Especially Aleksondria. For now, you knew that she didn't want you dead at least but you didn't question that she was the type of woman who might go there in the future.

It was getting ridiculous how frustrated you were getting, so with one last sigh in protest you sat down at the dinner table and went through some books that you had gone back for in the library earlier. Technically you were replacing one frustration with another but you could use the distraction. Trying to make sense of the words on the page was a mess and in half an hour you were only ten pages into the book, trying to scan through the words.

The knock on the door was a total surprise, you immediately stood and closed the books, expecting that may Izabel learned to knock or something. But when you heard guard boots disappear from beside your door. With a hand on the hilt of your sword you stood and listened to any sound from outside the door. When you determined no one was there you pulled the door open, hand still protectively resting on the hilt. No one was outside to greet you but on the door, you found a small piece of paper with ‘kitchen’ written on it in neat cursive.

The kitchens were deserted when you snuck down the stairs and out the corner, silently treading across the floor. The back door was open and through it, you saw Olin’s hunky figure outside the door waiting. You searched for anyone else besides him but found no one.

You stepped outside and Olin immediately ushered you over to the horse huffing in the cold night air without a word.

“Go.” Was all he said, you whipped around again, weary that you’d find some sort of betrayal but no one else was there in the courtyard.

“Olin-“

“King Roan told me everything, he said I should get you out of here while you can still run.”

“What about-“

“Roan said to tell you everything will be fine.” Olin interrupted once more as if he was reading your mind. Without leaving much room for a debate he gave you a leg-up onto the horse. Hesitantly you took the reins in face of the gate. You could leave, you were free now.

“What are you doing? Leave!” Olin exclaimed. Why weren’t you leaving? This was what you wanted, what you needed to do if you were to survive.

But maybe it wasn’t all just about surviving.

You slid from the saddle and one smooth motion and turned to Olin.

“I can’t.” You said firmly, you didn’t stay to let him argue against you, you flee back up the steps of the kitchen to Roan’s chambers.

“I can’t just leave.” You said when you burst into the room, without thinking much about it.

“(Y/n)-“

“I am not going anywhere and I know that staying here is not my best option but it is yours. So for once can you please just listen to what _I’m_ telling you.”

Roan was a little silent.

“It will be dangerous.”

“Yeah, already learnt that lesson, haven’t I?” You didn’t miss the look of hurt in Roan’s eyes, he still blames himself but you knew he wouldn’t believe you if you told him you didn’t. It was better to show him.

“This means there is no going back, no Skaikru, no Clarke. We can’t afford personal alliances. You can’t trust anyone.” You nodded.

“I’m staying.” You said, whether to yourself or to Roan you didn’t know.

For once Roan could roll his shoulders without feeling the stiffness there. Was it relief he felt? So selfish but there it was. And soon after it hurt to think that he can never have anything he wanted. He was King after all and as King, he had to make the biggest sacrifices, his mother knew it and he knows it.

 

"I sincerely hope you talked to someone before they all left." Echo had this way of sneaking up at you, as you sat in the training yard observing others, pretending to sharpen your sword. You sighed loudly, hoping she'd note your irritation, still, she stood there and when you wouldn't answer, she did: "You are stupid. You can't just hide what happened and act like it doesn't affect you. You may be a good liar but not for long and now you are alone."

"You seem really involved in my wellbeing. Are you willing to offer you services or better yet, share what happened to you?" Echo was silently seething. "I thought so." She stomped off.

You followed Echo back into the castle but at a much calmer pace as you made your way up to the library, brave enough to face the boredom, but before even reaching it you saw Roan. The King had his elegant and intricately weaved bone circlet sitting on his brow.

"Do you enjoy angering Echo?"

"A little but only because she smiled in my face and stabbed me in the back a time too many." You answered.

"I need you to try, you need her more than she needs you-

"Wh-what? No, I don-" You interrupt him only to be cut off.

"and she is trying to extend an invitation to you."

"Even when it's rude and annoying?"

"Even then." Roan answers. "Come on, we need to sort out the prisoners." The previous subject completely is forgotten you stepped in stride with Roan. You had thought long and hard about it, some nights you wanted to execute them, one by one but you knew that their deaths were not for you to decide.

 

Of course, Aleksondria wouldn't miss the opportunity to try and push her influence when the decision landed in your lap. She wanted to scare you into thinking that you couldn't do anything while she was around.

The prisoners were rounded up and surrounded by guards as you chewed on your decision.

"No decision will ever be the right one. Someone will always hate you for it. Trust your gut." Roan advised.

" _Ste Kefa, gada, yu sad in yu zodon_. (Be careful, girl, you decide your own fate)"

You stared straight at her. " _Ai sad in bilaik na ban em au, kom taim lok em op ona oso tof_ (I decided to ban _them, if they set foot on our ground)_ ," You looked back at the prisoners. "Then hell will reign."

"Do you know who they are. These are noblemen's sons if they are treated like some sheep for hunt-"

"I was banished and yet I had done nothing wrong. This is a mercy."

The threat in Aleksondria's eyes was clear as she swept her gaze from the king to you and left.

 

The day had been long and you feared if you stood and did nothing for more than a moment you might fall asleep where you stood. The bath was already filled which you were grateful for as you undressed, knowing you would most likely fall asleep in the bathtub. The water soothed your aching muscles and the gash on your thigh still burned when it touched the water. You had picked at the slight scabbing and stitches, a few were gone. The scar would be ugly but that would never matter. Settling back you heard the doors swing open and paid it almost no mind. If your throat would be slit now you'd be too tired to care and at least you had some peace for once.

Izobel was silent as she poured some more warm water into the bath and set freshly washed linen on the bed. You weren't planning on moving much, instead hoping the dirt would soak off.

"You need to wash your hair." She said when she was done. You managed to open your eyes and glare at her loud tone.

"Tomorrow."

"It is going to be full of knots."

"I am too tired." You answered sitting up straight and preparing to leave the warmth and comfort of the tab for the cold icy room. You stood and climbed out as Izobel picked up her empty bucket. When you reached the bed you heard the bucket hit the floor and you were suddenly wide awake, spinning around to face her.

" _Yu_ bakkon. (Your back)"

"Did you expect me to come home unscathed?" You snapped a little at her.

" _Ai nou get yu don daunde fleimstick_? (I didn't know you had that brand)"

"What? What does it mean?" You stepped closer to her desperate for some answers.

"We have to tell someone." She turned but you were quick to grab her wrist before she could slip out the doors.

"What does it mean?" She winced in your grip.

"You killed the one who gave you the gift." She said in realisation.

"What does that mean? Izobel you can't tell anyone."

"Ow!" She winced in, anger in her tone now as you let go. "I don't have to do anything." She stomped out.

You had to find out what it meant.

**Author's Note:**

> Ignore the fact I'm using Trigedasleng when it should possibly be a different dialect.


End file.
